Never stop. One stops as soon as something is about to happen.
-- Peter Brock

well here i am.. just relaxing in the comfort of my own home, without anybody around.. yep i'm home alone. let's talk about yesterday first..

ugh.. well yesterday was a horrible day for me.. let's talk about the not so bad stuff of yesterday..well i just went to school, and did the usual stuff there.. it was like whatevers.. school food is too daym expensive.. whatever.. anyways.. after that had cheer practice.. did the usual stuff.. did some routines.. gosh THERE'S SO MUCH FREAKiN' CHOREOGRAPHY! i mix everything up! it's horrible.. i'll be starting one routine, and then all of a sudden doign another routine in the middle of it.. gracious.. well anyways after that i just went home... and that's when i got kind of in a ish like mood.. let me list the stuff that went wrong with my day..

i came home, wanting and praying that i get my car back already.. cuz omgracious i really wanted my car already! i hate not having a car nowadays and stuff.. i'm just not used to it.. so yeah i call my mom and she says it's not ready yet and "tomorrow" it will be ready.. how many freakin' times can you say "tomorrow" ugh.. i swear i know that place is a filipino place! that is so unprofessional.. i mean if it's not ready yet, don't freakin' say it's gonna be ready on a certain day! DAMMiT! annoyance! so yeah when i heard that my day was just ugh! but i was still okay.. and then the next thing

so i was walking to the bathroom.. and i was in a rush cuz i really needed to go.. [haha] but anyways yeah, so as i'm closing the door my freakin' finger got caught and the dumb ass door closed on my finger! it hurts so daym much! i was like awww crap.. i almost cussed! ugh! but anyways yeah, so that was just bad, and i've been suffering a pain in my middle finger, [which is still there till today] and then there was like this red mark on the bottom of my nail, not ON my nail but on the bottom part where the skin begins.. but yeah it still hurts.. it's a pain, like LiTERALLY.. so that put me in a more "ehh" mood.. and then the next thing

my mom comes home and i guess she's pretty annoyed or whatever for whatever reason.. so i ask her what the car place said,. and she said "tomorrow" again.. i'm like i freakin' know that! and she just brushed me off and i got annoyed cuz i was just like dude just cuz you're in a bad freakin' attitude doesn't mean you gotta freakin' take your crap out on me! you don't think i'm in a bad mood either! so i just walked away pissed off, and i don't like ever feeling pissed off at my mom, cuz it puts me in an even more pissed off mood! =/ ugh.. and then

my sister goes on the comp, and i'm like yeah sure.. and then like she says something like, "dang, what's up your butt?" and you know daym well when you're already not in a good mood, and someone makes a remark about your bad mood it puts you in an even worse mood! so i was just like omgosh.. shut up! and i mean me and my sis have been getting along pretty well lately, and i don't wanna ruin that streak.. and i was just like ugh, WHATEVER MAYN!

and then to top everything all off the worse horrible news ever, i heard that someone really dear and special to my heart, my tita jackie was at the hospital.. i was so bummed about it.. and i was so worried.. and i wanted so badly to go where ever she was and be there.. and then it made me look at all the stuff that was making me mad and feeling so stupid for being mad about any of it, or being a bad mood when like my tita jackie is sitting there at the hospital.. i was so sad, and i felt so wretched about myself.. it's like here i am being annoyed by mechanics and stuff and my tita jackie is sitting there on a hospital bed.. i just wanted to break down and cry! i felt so horrible.. i needed to rest my head, so i did.

and then after everything i got into this whole "thinking mode" session to myself.. and i hate it when i get into these sessions cuz i start thinking about things my ass does not even need to be thinking about anymore.. ugh! sometimes i really hate myself. i feel that i constanly disappoint myself, and everything is just backlashing at me now.. and i'm starting to see things, that i probably shouldn't even be seeing, and i'm feeling this that in a way i shouldn't even be feeling anymore.. and i'm so sick of people thinking that i'm this "untouchable" person or whatever.. or i'm this person that can "stand on my own" or a person that is "independant" sometimes, i dont' wanna be. cuz i mean if i am those things, and if those things are "good" things, then why the hell do they keep people away from me?! then maybe those qualities aren't such good things huh?! yeah well.. ugh and no matter how much i don't wanna admit it.. i'm bitter. YOU have caused me to have a bitter attitude towards some stuff.. and i hate the fact that YOU still affect me, when you probably don't even give a daym about anything anymore.. i hate it! i hate it! i hate it! i hate the fact that i still want you around. i hate the fact that i still think of you as a great person. i hate the fact that i can't just ish talk about you to the top of my lungs. i especially hate the fact that i'm bitter, but not at you.

maybe i'm not meant to have a boyfriend.. maybe i'm one of those girls that's meant to grow up to be an old maid.. all alone in her little house, and i'll be that creepy old lady that lives alone in the neighborhood.. i'll become "old lady katrina" or something, and all the little children will be afraid to come visit me and stuff cuz they'll think i'm an old witch or something.. and there will be rumors flying around about me eating children and stuff.... yup that is my fate. i think i've just been so used to being alone and i have been BSed to for so long, that i've just been so accustomed to depending on myself and the feeling that someone GENUiNELY cares for me, and someone is GENUiNELY being kind to me just because they want to has become a foreign feeling. should it be though? ugh.. do i even deserve people being nice to me anymore.. i don't feel like i give anything in return to people who do try.. all i feel like i'm giving is a jumble of negative emotions.. whatever... see what happens when i drift off into thought.. i start thinkings things.. i think it's not safe to have me thinking about stuff.. it really isn't.. i start thinking random things, and people think i'm some troubled girl.. just to clarify i'M NOT! these are just thoughts.. i'm not troubled, i'm not in the brink of suicide nor will i ever be.. these are just thoughts, so bare with them...

my situation is starting to really get to me.. i always said that i don't want it to affect me anymore and stuff.. but heck i live here! i'm here EVERY DAYM DAY! so how can my living situation not affect me.. how am i supposed to believe that love results in happy endings when my own parents don't have a happy ending to their relationship.. when right in front of my eyes i see the result of the "love" they had.. my parents are supposed to be my example of the wonderful thing that love is.. but they're not.. so i have to go out there and find out what love is on my own.. and you know what as the day goes.. my perspective on love will constantly be changing, kinda sucks though that i didn't atleast have a rough draft idea of what love is.. i have to start from scratch...

gosh dang.. can there be anymore negativity from my thoughts?! sorry for such a depressing entry.. if you guys read it, and it put you guys in a bad mood i'm so sorry.. i didn't mean to do it.. well to cheer you guys up.. here's a little joke..
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Q: what kind of cow is the ugliest cow?
A: iKAW! hahaha [ you have to a pinyo to get this joke.. sorry to you NON-pinyo folks ]

You may forget the one with whom you have laughed, but never the one with whom you have wept.
-- Khalil Gibran

listening to: simple plan - one slowdance

alrite well here i am just chillin' all by my lonesome in my house.. i have all the stuff ready to do my history homework, but i decided to blog for a bit.. well hMm let's talk about my day, since i think that's a must.. wel normal school day woke up.. got to school.. my dad had to drop me off again, cuz my car isn't gonna be fixed till TOMORROW! ugh gay, i'm so sick of not being able to drive, yet i know when i do get my car i'm gonna get my car tomorrow, thank freakin' goodness! hopefully though, *crossing fingers*, so hMm the day was cold! and during cheer practice it started to drizzle.. ooh i might actually wanna walk tomorrow.. i love walking after the rain.. everything seems so fresh, vibrant, and renewed! =D i like it! and you see rainbows on the ground.. aww i remember as a little kid i used to think i can catch them from the floor... those were good times.. but now you know all the scientific answers of why those rainbows are on the floor and where rain comes from and stuff... it ruins the fairy tales you dream up as a kid.. cuz at first you think that rain drops were GOD's tears.. hMm.. good times.. anyways.. so yeah school went on.. blah blah blah.. made fun of melissa and lucy when they were performing their routine! haha.. i only make fun of sexy ladies that's why! hahaha.. but anyways.. after that i got ride home from e-shan otherwise known as "shane" to the rest! hahaha.. i love giving people nicknames, and then they get used to it, and they actually reply when they hear it.. haha for instance LESBO! and HOVSEP! and JUiCY! hMm who else.. but yeah.. it's quite fun. Bmy hands are getting cold hard to type.. hMm.. well hMm.. i'll write again later.. i have to write about my friday adventures. cuz that was my secret rendezvous day!

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CHEER TRYOUTS!
MARCH 7!!!
girls AND GUYS are welcome to try out!
so if you're intereted.. hollah! haha.. be part of Hoover cheer, a darn awesome
possom organization.. just don't talk to any of the present day members! HAH jk!
picture this guys: you're one o 12 guys surrounded by 91791723 girs! if you're in cheer iT CAN HAPPEN! haha
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okay that's my little token of advertisement for that event.. if you need anymoe info.. just iM me.. i'll provide you with any 411 i know.

HAPPY ANNiVERSARY
my RiSO!

it's been 3 months, WOW! that's like forever for me! i just want to thank you for being the best you can be to me. We've had our rough moments, but with each hurdle we overcome we only get stronger and stronger, TOGETHER. i couldn't have asked for anyone better than you, and i couldn't have asked for anything better than what you have given me. i basically just wanna say that i love you so much. through all the trouble, pain, and heartache that love can bring, you let me see all the happiness, sunshine, and beauty that love is. thank you for that. you gave a cold hearted girl like me a chance at love. <3always, your ATRi

yep guys you heard it right.. it's been 3 whole months! haha.. SURPRiSD?! hahaha well i sure am.. i've been the 2 weeker or 4 day type of girl, and the fact that i have lasted 3 months is completely an amazing fact.. haha well anyway today was a time well spent.. i was up ALL night last night.. just talking to people online and what not.. but it was cool cuz i shared some good ol' random convos with people. those are always fun.. but anyways... the next day i woke up at like 1ish.. gosh dang. that felt good.. no open house today! thank goodness.. and then me, the momster, and sissy just went to valencia.. we went to check out our house.. oh my it's almost finished being built guys.. it's all cemented up already! CRAZY ASS! by next week it's gonna be painted, and then the interior is gonna be worked on! wowzers! oh mayn so afterwards we just walked around the main city of valencia.. and we passed by this "chocolate factory" omgosh.. i'm gonna get fatTER in valencia! so good there! and then while i was walking some old lady freakin' pushed me out of the way! i was like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! that was uncalled for.. i was not even in the way.. that's the first rude attitude i have experienced while we were there.. mayn white old ladies are mean!! MEAN i TELL YA! i think they are upset that the minorities are moving into their "white infested neighborhoods" haha.. well not really.. but that is a theory worth questioning.. haha.. i'm kidding, seriously i am.. well after walking around town we head back to glendale and we go to CPK, yummay.. i got my favorite marsala marinara! that stuff is DAYM good i tell ya! and then i got the dessert, but it wasn't the dessert i wanted.. grr.. wrong one, next time, CHOCOLATE SOUFFLE! yes.. i'm set.. then afterwards came home and did homework.. which i should be doing now, but i'm taking a break.. and then i was at home, and then my henrison and his cousin, vince came and stopped by. nice to meet you vince! and so we all hung out for a bit and stuff, and then they left. that was it.. that was my day.. back to homework.. BYE!