And I'm missing you every second in time
And it hurts cause you're so far away
All tears that I cry when you're not by my side
And those nights I dream of kissing you goodnight
Are on my mind
-- allister; "don't think twice"

here at work once again.. i find a lot of blogging time here at my job since sometimes there really isn't much to do. i'm EXTRA tired today.. i only had like an hour and a half of sleep.. and now i'm staying up and doing stuff.. i feel so lazy, but i'm trying to push the laziness out of me since i am at work and all.. it would be nice to show some effort of interest.. because yes, filing papers is a very exciting job! oh yes it is! but i'm done sorting some stuff as of right now and i'm just waiting for the others to finish so we can go in the back room and store it in the shelves.. OH YES! what fun! /sarcasm. well anyways.. i'm tired cuz i came home at 3am last night, and i had to wake up 4:30am. ahh what no fun is that?! well let's talk about why i was home at 3am in the first place..

well yesterday was a regular day at school.. and then cheer practice we made some "groovy" posters for our "not so groovy" bball players. it was fun though.. afterwards me, yelena, lesbo, and lucy went to eat at subway.. and then we went to rite aid to get some yummy ice cream for 99c. i thought they raised the prices on those things to $1.19 per cone.. but i found out today that it's still a good 99c... so we walk around rite aid observing douches, condoms, and other such knick-knacks.. haha and then we all just went to the magazine rack and read none other than.. maxim, stuff, and some other hot sauce chick magazines... we figured it was not a good idea to look at these magazines while in uniform so we left, and went to Hoover.. we got there and found out we were WAYY to early for the game, and so the 5 of us just went to the view took random pictures.. HAHA! and chilled it there. it was nice.. ofcourse.. well anyways, after that we went to the game.. and BLAH! i will be writing a very interesting letter to that man. well anyways i wasn't feeling too well during the game.. my stomach was hurting REAL bad, i was throwing up, and i couldn't really breathe too much. so i just chilled on the sidelines for awhile.. i think arcadia is a badluck school, cuz i my stomach always hurts when it's arcadia.. hmm.. well anyways after the game me, xuan, and yelena went to yelena's house to get ready for the party we were going to.. and then we met up with varty.. omgosh how could i forget the most exciting part of the game.. they put varty in the game! whoa! that was some exciting ass stuff!! =D haha! i love you varty! well anyways, after getting ready we met up with varty for like 2.5 secs.. and then left cuz they didn't want to go party with us. *cough* LAME! *cough* haha! then me, xuan, and yelena went to our favorite store and bought our favorite products.. haha.. and then we headed to the party.. and it was all fun from there! =D good stuff! saw a bunch of people.. danced with a bunch of people that i dont' even remember.. that night was the most times i've ever used the phrase, "who hell touched my ass?!" haha! too bad i don't remember a good portion of the night.. but it's all good i remember i had fun! and then after the party a group of us went to eat troy's.. hmmm memories much? but yeah.. we ate at troy's chilled it there till everyone sobered up.. haha i ordered my meal in french.. and thanks robert for purchasing my meal, even though you didn't mean to! haha! good times! good night.. except for the fact that i came home at 3 freakin' am! i hate living in valencia.. i almost fell asleep on my drive home cuz i was so tired! and why the hell do my knees hurt?! they feel all scratched and beaten up.. and i have on freakin' clue why. haha whatever. anyways off to sitting and doing nothing once again. see ya!

first of all: .. can you guys tell which one i am?! haha. i bet not..

i'm bored.. and i'm tired and REAL sleepy, but here i am feeling compelled to blog again in the later hours of the day... what to blog about this time... the subject at hand for me is this valentines day

my thoughts on valentine's day
:: warning! if you're one of those lovey dovey types, then please refrain yourselves from reading this entry.. cuz it's not going to be one of those, and if you are insulted by anything written on here.. ummm i would like to apologize for your stupidity to be insulted by someone else's opinion. so here i go. ::

ofcourse sticking to katrina tradition i am very ANTi-valentine's day whether or not i have a BF, which was last year.. and i still didn't play into the valentine's day shinanigans.. i just think the concept of "showing the one person you love how much you love them" is a completely idiotic idea. if you really shared so much love with that person and so much happiness with that person what's to say that you need one day to show all of this? ANYWAY, i'm not even playing into the whole, "well, if you really loved the person this love wouldn't be shown just on one day but everyday." crap.. cuz honestly, if two people really loved each other gestures such as a bouqet of stupid flowers that will die in a matter of days, and an annoying heart shaped box filled with fattening products would not be necessary to show that love. since when did flowers and heart shaped boxes prove to someone that they loved them? i'm not saying that these gestures shouldn't go un-appreciated.. cuz daym if i got either of those things ofcourse i would appreciate the heck out of them.. i would laugh at the mere thought of someone even providing me with this sort of gesture.. i mean ME, katrina.. ms. cynical of that sort of stuff.. and a person would actually give me something dealing with the subject... it would just prove to me that the guy really did not know me too well. but anyways, on with it... so yes these gestures shouldn't go unappreciated, but at the same time i don't believe people should be disappointed if let's say they didn't get these things. if the person you're with or whatever you might call it decided that they didn't need a specific day to show how much they cared for you, then so be it.. if they show how much they care every other day then why the heck should it be so important that they show how much they care for you on a specific day? and besides, how special is this whole showing affection on a specific day thing anyway.. i mean it all seems like a chore.. it's like the thought process isn't, "oh i want to do this for [insert name here] because i care so much about [insert name here.]" but more like, "HOLY CRAP i NEED TO DO SOMETHiNG FOR so and so CUZ iT'S VALENTiNE'S DAY!" so a person is pushed into HAViNG to do something because of valentine's day.. rather than WANTiNG to do something because they care for the person.. come on folks, let's cut me some slack.. i mean i fully give credit to those people out there who go and do something special for their watchamacallits on valentine's day and all.. i'm in no way knocking the idea of a special event for those who are "in-love" or "in-lust".. haha. but i'm just saying that valentine's day is an over rated holiday.. and in some ways a very cruel holiday for those who have no one. it's like a reminder for those people who have no one, that they have no one! i believe in a sense valentine's day is societies disgusting portrayal of the idea that having someone is the right way of going about things, and being alone is the wrong "sad" way. fact is.. a person's decision to be alone should be celebrated as well.. where the hell is the holiday for those who have no one?!

i would also like to point out that those big ass balloons that are given out on valentine's day are disgusting!! ughh!! seriously.. i think there's a secret competition amongst the balloon givers on who gives the biggest balloon, and sadly the bigger the balloon the more of a throwing up sensation i get. and it's just a pathetic way of making chicks feel special.. it's like okay big freakin' deal you have a big ass balloon you're holding onto.. that's nice. apparently inside a chick's mind how special they are is measured by how big of a balloon they get. and if that is your mindset then i think you have more air in your head than your big ass balloon. so folks on friday, february 13.. count on me to bring a big ass needle to school cuz i will be popping these horrific balloons.. to keep myself from throwing up all over the place.

okay now to the softer side of me, yes there is a softer side... believe it or not. it goes into the simplicity of things.. i'm a sucker for the simple things. i would like valentine's day to be how it was in elementary school.. when it was simple. i don't like the whole effort put into valentine's day.. cuz valentine's day depicts something quite effortless.. love. why put up such an effort by buying flowers, candy, or blowing up stupid balloons.. when love itself doesn't even require that much effort? i love the idea of red construction paper being cut out into a perfectly symmetrical heart, and that's it no fancy flowers.. no fancy balloons and no fancy chocolates, although Godiva chocolates are quite delicious. just the red construction paper cu tout into a perfectly symmetrical heart. making those construction paper cut out hearts is quite effortless.. just how love is supposed to be. i told you there was a softer side to me. just cuz i'm hard on the outside doesn't mean i can't be soft on the inside.

also let's knock off the "countdown till valentine's day" bullsh*t... it seriously makes me want to gag. oh and by the way any takers on who wants to be my valentine? hahahha! i think not. hahha!

first loves are just what they are.. your FiRST love, they aren't meant to be your LAST.. there will be others.
-- me

okay so it's almost 1 in the morning, and i have school tomorrow but i felt compelled to write after a good convo with a friend of mine i had. we were talking about his inability to get over his ex-GF and we compared it to my getting over my ex-BF. it was weird because i listened to him talk and i listened to him pour his heart out to me.. and i heard how much he was hurting through his voice... and for some odd reason i was overcome with jealousy. yes i was jealous of him. he would tell me how everything would remind him of this girl at times.. and they've been broken up for a good 10 months now, and yet remnants of her still remain within him. and for some odd reason i wish so much that was me. i wish so much that i sat there and looked at things around me and i was still reminded of him, because in a sense that shows that i still care. it shows that there is still something within me, and that there is a heart beating within me. it sucks not caring! it seriously does, because it gives you this feeling of being inhuman... to not feel any emotions about something is a REALLY scary feeling. i want to care for someone so much that it hurts. apathy is a scary feeling. i told him that he will get over it eventually.. i mean so what if it's taking him longer than he wants it to.. fact is the time WiLL come that he will get over it.. but i think the REAL trick to getting over someone is keeping a little piece of them with you. see that's where i messed up in this whole process of getting over the relationship.. i forgot to keep that little piece. i mean sure i remember him, and i mean sure i remember the good times and i remember the great things that were shared between me and him.. but what sucks is i don't remember the feeling. i don't remember how good it felt to love someone and to be loved back. it's like all that left me, and now i feel so cold. i remember the good times and the actual things that occurred, but i don't remember the feeling i got from them. like i was saying earlier the trick to getting over someone is keeping the appreciation of the relationship within you... i figure it's okay to forget the movies you watched together, as long as you remember the reasons why you smiled when you were around him. it's okay to forget the day you guys first kissed, as long as you remember the feeling you got when he first kissed you. hold on to those memories... hold on to them as tight as you can, because once you lose those it's like you lose all feeling... like i said apathy is a scary feeling to have. i want to care. i don't want to be heartless anymore. that's all for now.. maybe more later...

i am like a pinata, i'm full of little surprises.. YOU JUST HAVE TO BEAT THEM OUT OF ME.
-- someone

so i'm sitting here at work.. i'm answering phones and doing other clerical duties.. i forgot to bring a book to read, so i'm sitting here like a bum. i'm no my lunch break, so i figured i'll take the time to sit and write something. i wasn't supposed to work today, but my mom called me and said that their receptionist called in sick, so they needed someone to come in since everyone was really busy and stuff.. so i came in all unexpectedly.. and i was looking forward to sleeping in too.. and i stayed up later than usual talking on the phone with some people... figuring that i can sleep in anyway.. well i WAS WRONG! dammit.. oh well.. getting paid so no biggy. this answering phone business is sort of tricky.. sometimes people don't talk clear enough that i have no idea what they're saying, i dont' want to ask them again what they just said... i just have to get used to how they say things i suppose... but atleast i'm getting the whole transferring calls and what not down. well anyways... for awhile they didn't have the internet and i was dying.. the internet is the only way i can pass time besides reading, but since i forgot my book i had no reading material. at one point it gets really busy and i'm sitting here handling freakin' 6 phone calls. it's insane.. it's kind of hard to keep track which person is in which line, and who to transfer it from sometimes.. i got this one guy pissed off cuz for some reason the line kept disconnecting on him when i thought i was transferring him.. =/ oopsy, and he's on the board too. =/ i don't think that was good.. oh well after 3 tries he got where he needed to go! haha oh well. school tomorrow.. AND there's a bball game tomorrow too! against CV... guh-racious.. and it's a game that comes RiGHT after school.. so i can't even go out to eat after practice and stuff since the game is right after school.. and they're making Hoover almost impossible to ditch nowadays.. crazy folks.. but there still has to be a way to get out of that school, and i'm going to figure it out! yeahh.. or how about i just dont go all together.. haha! well starting of 2nd semester.. nothing on my schedule is going to change besides the fact that i no longer have ms. viezee... well.. i dont' have anything more to write on here at the moment.. when i get bored some more and want time to pass i'll be sure to get back on this so i can kill some time..

He's not my boyfriend, he's just someone I'm trying on.
-- Carrie; sex and the city

so i'm here at work, not doing anything. i'm out of a job already since i finished doing all the filing and what not that i needed to do, but since my mom is the boss i get to work one more weekend doing exactly what i'm doing now.. CHiLLiN' and getting paid $10 an hour to do it. =D fun stuff? i believe so. well anyways.. i like that quote up there.. something i would say. hahah.. i don't think i've mentioned enough how much i love sex and the city.. and i don't think i've mentioned on here how KGH! at times reminds me of the sex and the city group! i love it! you guys are the best! well anyways, it's already February 1. hard to believe one month has already gone by... no school tomorrow. HOW GREAT! i get to sit at home and chill the whole day... i'm supposed to go meet up with the girls today for a "super bowl" get together.. but since all of us are either working or ABOUT to work we decided we'd have a post-super bowl gathering. the view? lucy's porch? we'll see how it goes. no matter what happens KGH!= FUN TiMES! =D well anyways.. so i put on my jeans today.. and how come it feels tighter around the hips than they ususally do?! i don't understand this concept.. i work out EVERYDAY practically, and yet my jeans become tighter? and my stomach looks like it gets bigger?! i don't understand.. everyday as the days go by i absolutely HATE how my body looks. =/ i think i'm developing an unhealthy hate for my body. i REALLY REALLY hate my body! everything is just so.. BLAH! and it seems like no matter what i do to correct it it's like it does nothing but make things worse. full length mirrors are the devil!! maybe that's why i buy pretty clothes.. maybe if the clothes i wear are pretty enough it will take away the attention from my body.. people will just concentrate on how pretty the clothes are. haha i don't know. =/ but i seriouslyl LOATHE my body. look i used 3 different "hate" words to describe how much i hate my body.. that''s how much i hate it! and no, i'm not saying this so people can be like, "you're insane.." yadayadayada.. i seriously do hate it. that's it i want a new body!! that's what i should be saving my pay check up for! =/ well enough of that... my feet are cold. i'm wearing my white slippers that i recently bought that are no longer white really.. and it's freezing in this office. well actually it's not freezing, but my feet surely feel like they are. we're supposed to eat Houstons today, cuz they have a yummy roast beef sandwich there.. but i think i'll settle for the salad. instead of complaining about my body i figured i should just do more about it... it's like my stomach looks nice in the morning, and then i eat and it just stops looking nice. how gay! oh well... i tried looking for prom dresses online today.. but then the computer stopped cooperating with me so i stopped. ugh! it sucks how prom is coming up.. who the hell am i going to go with?! i mean you can't just go with ANYONE to prom.. i mean when it comes to prom you should go with someone special.. and not just like someone. i don't know who the heck that person would be for me?! this sucks.. can i just have a BF for prom? hahaha! yeah right. oh well.. too early to think about that i suppose.. gonna go now. thoughts are done. and i'm going to go waste some more time for $10 an hour. i love this job!