baby you've got, what i need, BUT i SAY YOU JUST A FRiEND, BUT i SAY YOU JUST A FRiEND
-- my version of this song: mario; just a friend

well well well, i'm blogging cuz i'm lagging on the taking a shower thing to get ready for juicy's debut practice.. ugh what a lagger.. but anyway yeah, so i'm sitting here blogging and watching Clueless, true hollywood story.. i LOVE THAT MOViE! but anyways so yeah i'm sitting here just killing time, or more like lagging it.. my awesum2sum wants me to take a shower early so she won't be all by her lonesome at juicy's practice.. and so we can have a rain talk and all.. but i don't really feel like being 2 hours early! hahah sorry mayn! haha.. but anyways let's talk about yesterday shall we...

so school.. blah blah.. did SO MANY routines during cheer practice! HOT DANG! i was getting all confused.. i'd hear one song, run to that formation, then the next song, and i'm like ahh it's over there! and then the next one ahh i'm supposed to be over there! so many daym routines! honestly! hard freakin' work mayn! ugh.. the stresses of a cheerleader.. haha well i had to pick up fredalynn at GHS at 3:30.. but practice didn't end till around 3:40.. so i hurried over to GHS picked her up, and we went to eagle cock mall to look at the grease dress she found.. she bought hers.. the one she told me about is pink! haha.. a dark girl like me in pink?! haha it was cute though.. and shoot it was only 20 bucks.. so why the heck not?! well anyways, after that me, juicy, and freda were deciding what to eat.. and since it was friday we couldn't eat meat.. and we couldn't eat fast food, cuz i gave that up for lent and stuff... so we were like hMm where to eat.. then i said i was craving some fetuccini alfreda and stuff, so we decided to go to sizzlers in glendale since charlie horse was working there..so we go there and that was the first time i saw charles working at sizzlers! see i told you i would inevitably see you! =D hehe so yeah he hooked us up, ofcourse.. hehe 2 fetuccini alfredos, with shrimp scampy, 3 drinks, and a salad bar, all only for $13! thanks for hooking up charles! =D hehe.. after eating all that yummay food, we go off and drop juicy off at home, and freda and i were left trying to decide what we should do and stuff.. we had to go GHS luau, cuz she had to take pictures for her journalism.. so we figure we'd just stop by, and maybe head out to eagle cock party.. so we go and since kathy, bev, mattchoo, and jon we're gonna be there,. we figure, ehh let's just stay! so we stay, and it was a semi-dry atmosphere.. but it was okay.. fooled around a lot.. haha had seizures on the dance floor! hahaha.. those are always fun! haha kathy nice throwing yourself at that hotboy.. i really wanted to throw myself, but i figure people will still see me around at this school.. i wouldn't wanna make a scene.. hahaha but dang girl.. i really wanted to! haha props to you for doing that! hahaha.. so yeah after the semi-dancing going about freda and i decided toroll down to check out the eagle cock party.. dang there were a whole lot of people there! like a whole freakin' lot! *sidenote: i just heard a massive amount of thunder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *scared* those sounds remind of earthquakes, and i hate earthquakes, i'm deathly afraid... =/ but anyways.. so we go stop by.. and freda had to fix "herself" just in case she ran into somebody! haha... trying to be cute girl?! hahaha.. watch out! hahaha HOLLAH! haha.. but anyways, we walked to the party, and then it was sadness.. they werne't letting people in anymore! ugh gay! we should have come earlier! darn it.. it was only freakin' 10:30! come on people don't you know you're supposed to show up late to these things! hahaha but anyways.. so afterwards we just head out, and then we couldn't decide what to do.. and we were bummed cuz we coudln't get into the party! bOoO.. so yeah after awhile.. i just dropped her off.. and there was some crazy drunk guy driving on the freeway.. like he kept braking, and he was swerving all over the freeway.. and he almost hit a guy to the left of him! i was like holy crap! this guy can't be sleepy, he has to be drunk, cuz people who drive sleepy dont' break so often.. they just swerve and swerve back.. that was pretty gay! and he was in front of me and he was driving like 50 mph, and was braking, so i kept honking to maybe wake him up, if he was sleepy, and so i was like ugh eff it, i went on my right lane and sped up.. i was afraid he might swerve that's why i didn't wanna get anywhere near him.. so yeah hopefully he didn't hurt himself or anybody else in the process.. gayness! i was a bit sleepy coming back home.. but i kept myself awake by blasting my music as loud as possible and cracking a window open.. and luckily i had parking right in front of my house! =D yay! so that was my day.. slept the rest of the time.. yay sleep.. and todya was supposed to be the best buddies thing, but since it's an outdoor event, it got cancelled due to the rain.. so i'm kinda happy cuz i needed the sleep.. and if the thing wsan't cancelle dthen i would have had to wake up at like 6am...

ooh well also i forgot to mention before the Luau dance me and fredalynn stopped by HOJ to say hi to those who are in choir! and we saw our wonderful tita jax! =D.. we gave big hugs, and mattchoo threw himself hardcore style! hahaha.. girls only hug mayn! hahaha jk! well anyways tita jax notified us that the people who gave talks before get priority to give whatever talk we wanted! ahhh! how exciting! we get priority! =D haha.. now i just gotta pray to GOD, and find out what talk He wants me to give.. hMm.. we shall see huh? prayer has all answers.. =D

ooh, i had girl scout cookies! =D yay to my mommy for buying them! so now i'm gonna go eat them.. and i should really get ready for debut practice.. it's 2:53 pm, and practice starts at 3.. how com ei haven't showered?! hahaha gay lagger i am.. so yeah laters guys!

Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
-- The Wonder Years

well today was a pretty good day.. i went to school, did the usual, nothing too exciting, we had a best buddies meeting, didn't do much of anything in that meeting except we discussed the best buddies bash.. here comes an advertisement again..

BEST BUDDiES BASH!!

the best buddies bash is like a little carnival and stuff.. there are a lot of booths that are run by the many different schools around the southern california area that are involved in the best buddies.. it's not just highschools, but there are colleges and other people there who are involved in the best buddies organization.. if you guys have not been informed of what best buddies is.. it is an organization in which you and someone who is mentally and physically disabled are put together to build a one-to-one relationship.. this club gives us the chance to learn from our fellow peers who are usually segregated from us in our schools.. and boy they have a lot to teach us "normal" folks.. haha but anyways, so yeah the best buddies bash is a really fun gathering, and you get to do a lot of NEAT-O! stuff.. so come, and support the organization, and not only that but heck i'll be there! haha.. Hoover is in charge of face painting.. so LET ME PAiNT YOUR FACE! =D trust me.

where: Griffith Park
time: 8am - 3pm [ you don't have to stay the whole time, but come between these hours. ]
date: saturday, march 15
if you're attending in support of HOOVER BEST BUDDiES please wear black bottoms.. meaning black pants, shorts, skirt.. whatever, just something black, we'll provide you guys with a shirt. =D

end of advertisemt

okay enough of that.. well cheer practice was really frustrating today.. people were just blah and stuff.. cuz it just gets frustrating after awhile when people don't show up to freakin' practice when we're on a tight schedule and all, and we don't wind up getting anything done.. and you people wonder why we dont' get anything done?! goodness, but anyways.. yeah after that i just went home.. ugh parking is a female dog on my street.. just 2 more months of finding parking and i'm OUT! haha.. parking left and right! =D haha too bad i'll have to drive 20min. to get to my parking spot though.. haha gay crap.. but anyways.. so yeah after that my riso picked me up alongside my juicy to watch his volleyball game.. i had to support the BF ya know, and be a good GF.. haha more like a good GF that doesn't know a darn thing about volleyball except.. you hit it over, they dont' get it back you score.. it's up to 15 points, and it's best out of 3 on tournaments, but 5 regular games.. other than that.. dig & up?! i'm confused.. whatever.. that's why i have juicy with me, ms. volleyball player, to help me understand.. and while she sits there cheering and calling out volleyball terms, i sit there and repeat after her and try and sound cute.. haha but anyways after that, and after henri's team wins! =D yay! GOOD JOB CATHEDRAL! ugh.. sidenote some annoying lady would call out letters everytime the other would hit the ball, kind of like cheering for them.. ugh ANNOYANCE! how would you like it if i spelled out Cathedral.. C-A-T-H-E-D-R-A-L! so yeah.. i don't think she would like that very much! ugh.. but wahtever.. it was cool seeing parents and family supporting their kids!.. it was a nice change of pace, but anyways after that went to celebrate the cousin's bday.. so me, henri, and juicy went to my cousin's house and wished her a happy 17th bday! HAPPY BiRTHDAY MiKELANGEH! [sidenote: that is not her real name. her real name is michelle. i just call her that.] and then after that we just went home and stuff.. and that's that.. didn't have much homework today! =D yay!

ooh my mommy almost got me a car yesterday! haha yep weird and random huh? yeah so i'm chillin' in my room, she comes in and me and her are just talking and she's all.. "i almost got you a car today." i was like, "haha, what?!" and she was gonna lease it from this guy that she bought her benz ML320 from and stuff.. but the guy was giving us a 5 year lease! nobody should lease a car for 5 years! you might as well buy the car! that's what my mom was saying, so she was like ehh.. she was gonna get me a mercedes benz kompressor i think the one with the weird back, not the two seater one.. i think. but yeah i dont' really like the one with the weird back, but hey i'm not complaining! i dont' really care much that she didn't get it.. cuz i mean whoa that would have been something but it was really cute when she sounded so disappointed when the guy wasn't offering her a reasonable offer she was all, "i wanted to come home with a new car and surprise you. i was like aww! the thought in itself was really great! =D have i mentioned to you guys how much i absolutely love and adore my mommy?! well if i haven't.. i do!

well i think this is the end of this blog.. so yeah i'm gonna head out and stuff... so yeah you guys have a good one, and keep it safe.

don't let things get to you.
-- me [ saying over and over ]

hMm well today was quite an annoying day for me.. i don't know why, but i wasn't in the greatest mood all day.. back to me thinking i guess.. always thinking.... i'm trying so freakin' hard not to let things get to me, but it gets harder and harder as time rolls along... hMm and even i'm not even sure what i'm supposed to feel about anything anymore.. ahh whatever.. i think too much..TRUST iN GOD, and HE will lead the way. yep.. a phrase that seems to ease my thoughts.. so anyways.. on to my never ending day.. i don't know nothing much to talk about.. but something that did kind of agitate my attitude some more was the fact that they suddenly told pep team that we couldn't go to the schools this week to publicize tryouts.. and you know for what stupid ass reason.. CUZ THE ATHLETiC DEPARTMENT DOESN'T WANT US TO GO AND ADVERTiSE OUR TRYOUTS BEFORE THEM! CUZ THEY WANNA GET FiRST DiBS ON THE PEOPLE COMiNG iN! what the hell is that?! since when did it get all hardcore?! dude, it's the people's choice.. if they wanna tryout for cheer, then they will, if they don't, and they wanna tryout for some other sport, then they will! ugh, that was so annoying to hear.. and we were already practicing and expecting to go to Roosevelt middle school tomorrow! ugh gay ass freakin' athletic department.. whatever.. i'm annoyed by that, and everytime i think about it, i get annoyed all over the place..

so anyways, i'm currently watching saved by the bell and stuff.. and it's the episode when jessie is addicted to those caffeine pills or something.. "NO, THERE'S NO TiME THERE'S NEVER ANYTiME! i'M NOT GONNA GET iNTO STANFORD, i'M GONNA LET EVERYONE DOWN!" haahahahah.. freakin' hilarious! gosh dang.. sorry if you get a C in geometry you won't get into stanford! haha oh mayn the things saved by the bell manages to conjure up.. but it's okay cuz zack morris is REALLY hot now, and a.c. slater is also REALLY hot now too.. especially since he got rid of those parachute pants and that jerry curl! good stuff..

gosh people.. don't misinterpret what i'm writing in here like i'm some depressed girl.. nope. not that at all.. i'm still very happy. what do i have to be sad about anyway? GOD is guiding me His way.. He's standing right beside me if i do have stuff to think about.. He's allowing me to live my life.. He's allowing me to learn and go through so many valuable lessons.. i have nothing to be depressed about.. and when people ask me, "what's wrong?" honestly, NOTHiNG, is wrong.. i'm just simply going through some stuff.. and who said that going through some stuff had to be wrong.. now who doesn't go through some stuff... okay so are we clear? katrina is not depressed. katrina is not sad. katrina is not in trouble. katrina is simply going through some stuff. hey mayn.. i'm straight.. i'm taking all of this in with a spoonful of sugar with each and every bite! it does get hard sometimes, but who said it was supposed to be easy anyway? haha oh gracious.. i need to stop talking.. i really do... and ooh another phrase that puts a little kick into my day.. if GOD put you to it, He will lead you through it! dang right! thanks for caring folks, but really don't worry about me. love you guys lots!

We think there is always a tomorrow, so why expose our feelings today? Why risk being vulnerable? Why take the chance? Because today, what we love, what we feel, what is real, is what we have. Tomorrow, it may all change.
-- Small Miracles

i'm home early.. i had REALLY bad cramps.. so i decided i just want to go home.. i couldn't stand it anymore.. i couldn't even stand up straight, so i don't think i would wanna walk around school looking like i had a stick up my ass.. would you want to? anyways.. what's been on my mind lately.. a whole lot of stuff that's what! well yesterday i was starting to pack up some stuff already.. gosh i can't believe i'm packing my stuff to move already! it seemd time went by so fast! but anyways, so yeah you know when you start cleaning under your bed, or cleaning drawers in your room, or a closet or whatever you start to come across objects that kind of distract you from finishing your original task and what not, so yeah there are lot of stuff that you find and stuff, and you kind of sit and remember them and stuff.. well that's kind of what happened to me as i was packing my stuff.. so i was packing and i would find old journals, books, letters, a dictionary, and some things would make me smile, but a lot of the things i looked at kind of made me sad.. i don't know why, maybe it was just the thought of leaving, or maybe it was just the tone that was set around my house at the time.. cuz let's just say things aren't pretty around the home. that's all i'm gonna say about that on here, but yeah.. and again i have to play the whole miss stronghold again.. when is it my turn to cry? hMm but anyways, so yeah i was just packing up some stuff and came across a lot of things that i don't know kind of made me sad, and kind of made me think about myself as a person, and i kind of looked at myself in a kind of negative way.. i don't know, like i said, maybe it was just the tone of the day or whatever.. so i don't know really.. whatever.. i've been thinking a lot lately, and i guess sometimes my own thoughts are negative about myself.. you know what they say.. you are your worse critic. so yeah i don't know what else to say about that on here without being all too detailed.. wow, it's only gonna be 2 months before i leave glendale.. wow, what a weird feeling.. and also 1 month! before i move out of the house.. i'm gonna be staying at my aunt's house in the mean time.. and gosh darn, i wont' be online for like EVER! crazy stuff.. she has a 56k modem, wow! how the heck am i gonna get used to that?! hMm, i don't know.. i don't mind really getting away for once.. kind of have some time to yourself.. to really think i find the only time that i ever do to think thorougly about things, and to really let things out on what i feel is before bed, when i pray.. cuz i guess right now my feeling is HE's the only person that will ever be able to understand my mind at this point, cuz i don't even quite understand it.. i feel like there's so many emotions that i'm feeling within myself, that i'm not allowed to express, cuz everybody is too busy expressing theres, and there's no room for mine.. so i have to hold mine in for awhile, until i get my turn in the mean time.. i have HiM, so i'm straight. really i am. just becuase i smile less than i usually do doesn't mean i'm not okay. reall i am., hMm am i trying to convince myself i'm okay? haha.. oh gracious..i hate thinking, cuz then it just moves me around in circles..

sometimesi feel like i've sacrificed so much in this house.. i've sacrificed all right to have feelings in this house.. i've sacrificed my own opinions, just so people will be able to express their own. i've stopped speaking up to things i believed in, in this house, cuz i'm afraid that i will be causing more problems then there already is... yesterday i actually threw a tantrum in my room.. the first time i actually let out any feeling, or any aggression to this situation that i'm living in.. felt pretty daym good.. happens on rare occassions really.. i can't let anybody hear me.. cuz then that'll be just another "issue to deal with" i'm so sick of issues.. ehh, but you need it right? so like the old cliche says: what does not kill me, makes me stronger. and heck i'm not dead yet.. so hot dang.. i'm just getting stronger *flexes* ugh.. writing really eases the soul.. it really does.. i started writing this feeling very angry, and i even wrote some stuff that i just suddenly erased when i re-read it.. as long as i let it out somewhere, i'm okay.. i don't need the public to know all that i'm feeling..

so how do i face the situation that i'm in? i'm gonna smile like i usually do, and pray, and turn to HiM for guidance and comfort.. cuz HE knows what HE's doing with my life, and HE knows what HE's doing with my family, so with that.. GOD, i'll try my best, and you do the rest. ugh.. blogging is great! =D it really is.. i went from angry, agitated, sad, and then realization all in one blog! hahaha.. what a great tool.. haha okay i'm done.. now i'm gonna crawl into my bed.. lie down on it, crawl up in a ball, and hope the pain from my tummy goes away.. oh and uMm

i'm missing you.... stay safe k? and i just wanna let you know that, i still have YOU in my thoughts and in my prayers.. i really hope you're happy, and doing well.. and also just know that there's not one day i put my eyes to rest and don't think of you.. see ya later, someday. in the mean time, GOD bless.

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.
-- someone

why hello there folks.. let's recap what i did on my weekend..

:: saturday ::
so this day was a great day for me cuz, i FiNALLY GOT MY CAR BACK! my car looks so prettiful now! =D no more scratches and bumps on the bumper! yep, it's like all new! haha, well hardly, but yah know.. so yeah drove that home.. following my mom's car.. and i didnt' wanna get left behind when there would be a yellow so i would speed up, haha i knew my mom would trip, so afterwards she was all, "you ran 2 yellows!!" haha.. oh well.. i should have been on better behavior.. hehe, but oh well... so i got to juicy's debut practice late.. and everyone was all up in skirts and heels! hahaha.. cuz ya know.. we're supposed to be getting used to dancing in heels and a skirt and stuff.. but i'm all in jeans and a wife-beater and stuff! hahaha.. i feel sorry for you folks! but anyways.. after that juicy's family, me, freda, and johnny all went to eat at max's.. and mayn there was a terrible scent of a fat cow around the neighborhood huh, awesum2sum? hahaha, but anyways after the dinner we went to HOJ, and hovsep gave a tremendous talk!! yes it was AWESOME iNDEED! =D.. i liked it.. and our group, me, freda, juicy, kathy, and aprille had awesome talks and what not! hovsep gave a talk on taking risks.. gosh we had like forever in a day talks, while everyone seemed to be done so quickly.. and ooh we're covered for our 5 minute prayer huh guys?? we prayed for like 20 min. just right there! see we're so gosh darn good! and we were all in a pretty good mood, so after i lead action songs, quite horribly i might add! hahaha darn it Aprille is for Action songs! yes it is! hahaha.. but it's okay i think i just need more practice with it! hahaha.. i think i sound kinda monotonous for some reason.. but anyways, after that my riso came and me, him, fredalynn, and jon all rolled down to nessa's party.. so we get there and we dance for a bit and then some senseless crap happened so we had to roll out... ugh, that was a horrible experience.. people, come on seriously! ugh! mayn, what a day..

you know it's funny how GOD works sometimes, after the talk hovsep gave and stuff, and then going to that party and the whole taking risks thing, it's like wow you really wake up.. cuz i mean there was a question asking, "when does your faith feel like a mustard seed?" and i said, that it feels like a mustard seed sometimes when you're placed in a situation when sometimes you wanna put GOD into the situation, because you think it will help people, but you can't, because i mean you think how are people gonna react to it? cuz i mean face it, you're at a party, and you're not all of a sudden gonna be all, "you guys we should make a prayer circle!" ya know what i mean?! even though you want to.. its' funny because it's not necessarily your faith taht feels as small as mustard seed, but it's YOU! yourself, that feels inferior to your own faith, cuz i mean GOD has all the faith in you, and HE is backing you up in every decision that you make, and for you to feel like you can't speak up is like.. "daym, who the heck am i to think i can't talk about something, when GOD is here by my side." that type of feeling, and taht was the case at this party.. something really terrible happened, and all i wanted to do was offer a prayer or something, but it was like.. somehow you couldn't really.. hMm, funny how GOD's timing works isn't it.. goes hand in hand.. PRAiSE GOD! after the party, we dropped people off, came home.. rested, prayed, and slept..

:: sunday ::
today was one of the best days with the BF so he tells me we're going to 10am mass.. and i know the church he goes to doens't have 10am mass, and neither does incarnation.. so i was like.. what's so special about 10am mass?! and where are we going.. he wouldn't tell me.. it was a "surprise" haha.. but after a little bit.. i figured it out! hahaha.. YOU CAN'T SURPRiSE ME! hehe, but yeah he took me to the CATHEDRAL for mass! how great was that! =D it was the greatest, that's how great! well yeah so we were there, and wow that place is BEAUTiFUL! mass there was awesome, and as i was walking up to the alter to take communion, it was like a great sense of spirit that surrounded it, it was like stepping onto something just magical.. there were tapestries hung on both sides of the walls and they were pictures of the major people that were influences to the catholic religion.. it was soo beautiful.. and the lights,. they looked like they were just suspended in the air, like nothign was holding it up.. it was so nice and beautiful, and most of all spirit-filled in there! =D, it was a great "surprise"!.. and then afterwards we went all the way to valencia so he can see my house and all.. so i was glad he finally saw it, and it's a good thing he experienced the drive there, since i know my riso is gonna make that treck to valencia practically EVERYDAY! right? hehe.. so yeah after that we ate lunch at T.G.I Fridays.. and it was sooo good there! i had some yummy dessert.. uMm ultra strawberry shortcake! hot dang that was good! i was so full aftewards.. and afterwards we just hung out at at the valencia town center.. omfreakin'gosh! that place is sooo my town! =D they have american eagle, and they're building an abercrombie.. the typical stores.. but best of all they have HOLLiSTER! i mean come on! hello, hi! haha that's like one of the greatest stores ever, it's just that i never got to shop there since it wasn't convenient and all.. but NOW iT iS! =D and after we went around tehre, we went to target! and since the BF wanted a rubber duckie i bought him one! =D since bath and body weren't selling theres! haha, so yeah we went there bought him a rubber duckie and chapstick! and mentos, since the guy that chews gum ever .0981098213 seconds gave it up for lent! =D so yeah after that we headed home all tired from our journey! =D it was a good day! great time well spent. you guys, it's official.. i have the greatest, bestest, ultimate coolest BF ever!

- thanks for the great day honey.