OMG.. I HAVE SUCH A FREAKIN' HEADACHE! MY GRACIOUS.. IT'S LIKE A THROBBING HEADACHE.. AND IT WON'T STOP! IT JUST WON'T FREAKIN' STOP!!!

this day has got to be the worse day i have had so far.. the absolute worse.. first the dream.. and now the ever ending headache.. =/ giash daym.. AAHHHH!! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!

God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.
-Swedish proverb

okay yes i'm at home.. cuz i just did not have a good morning.. and it totally changd my outlook on the day.. so i told my mom i did not feel well, asked her if i could be absent from schOol, and she let me, with a bit of hesitation, but in the end she let me..i'm notfeeling like myself at this very moment.. i dunno i think it was cuz of my EXTREMELY bad dream.. it was the worst dream i've ever had in my entire life.. i woke up in complete teards.. and i was crying so much.. okay so this was the dream.. i was at my house right.. and i mean i don't usually have dreams that take place in my own home.. so this was weird already.. and then all of a sudden i was just doing the normal thing in my dream.. doing what i usually do when i was at home, and then my sister was like in tha attitude type of mode i think.. well anyways so then there was a little knocking on the door, cuz i guess some weirdo guy was addicted to heroine.. and he was calling my sister to help him out.. i dunno why.. but yah.. and then i was getting all agitated at my sister for getting involved with someone like that.. and then i was just lying on the floor next to her bed, and all of a sudden there was a slight knocking on the door, and then i looked through the peep hole thing, and i saw him, the guy that called my sister.. i'm not really sure why i knew it was him, but in my dream i knew it was and stuff.. and i got all scared and i told my sister not to open the door and stuff.. cuz he's crazy and stuff.. and so she goes to the door i run into her room and i go back to lying on the side of her bed.. and then she just opened the door slightly and then she closes and everything seemed to be alrite.. and then i go to the door and make sure everything is locked.. note that there happens to be two locks when in reality my door only has one.. but anyways i look through the peep hole and he's still there.. and so i'm like okay.. weird..and then all of a sudden he pushes the door open and stuff.. and i run and my sister is also frantic now and i go and hide under her bed and i take her with us.. the two guys got in and there are two of them.. so i'm under the bed with my sis breathing very heavily and then all of a sudden i see the two guys feet walking towards us.. and then i noiced that i wasn't completely under the bed.. i was kinda showing a bit. but not that much that you can see. but ya know.. anyways.. so the one guy leans over and sees me under the bed, and then him and his buddy pull me out.. and i'm trying to hold on to my sister.. but i let go cuz i didn't want her to be dragged along with me.. and here when things turn for the worse.. the guys carried me around.. and then iw as screaming and yelling and trying to get away and i was in tears.. and then my cousin, that i live with in reality, name gerard comes and he's like wtfreak! and then he goes and he punches the other guy and he punches the guy holding me but i dunno for some reason the guy bangs his head on the corner of the wall.. and in my dream i thought the guy that hit his head was the bad guy, but it wound up it was my cousin, it was weird cuz i thought i was helping my cousin hit the other on the head but it was the other way around.. and then so i'm tehre and all of a sudden it passes to a scene that i was raped..=/ i felt so horrible in the dream.. it was like i was crouched in a little corner the whole time.. and i'm sitting in front of the computer i think crying or something and my sister was yelling at me saying that it was my own fault cuz i lOoked like a little slut! (( what the freak?!?!?!)) i felt horrible in the dream.. and then i kept saying to myself.. NO IT'S NOT MY FAULT! NO IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! but all in the while thinking could it have been.. and then my sister and my mom were in the kitchen and my mom was eating some filipino desert food, and i just went up to her and i was about to tell her what happened to me.. but icouldn't find it in my heart to tell her.. and i fell to the floor and i started crying and crying.. and my mom started asking.. what's wrong? in a very worried tone, but nothing would come out.. and that's when i woke up and i felt like i was talking and then i started crying hysterically.. i was crying so much! i dunno the thing is the dream felt so real, to the point that when i woke up i still felt like i was in the dream, and it took me awhile to realize that those events did not happen.. but everything was so real.. not the raping part cuz that didn't actually happen in my dream, but the setting was that i did.. and the fact that it took place in my own home.. and everything just felt so freakin' real! you don't understand.. i'm still so shocked over that dream.. and i'm been so drastically affected by that dream today.. i dunno =/ and you know how in dreams you don't really remember every detail, but how come i remembered every detail of this dream.. it feels like it wasn't a dream but more like a memory.. like it happened... =/ i'm so weirded out right now.. i dunno.. i'm so distraught by this dream.. i dunno.. are dreams supposed to mean something? i dunno.. i just dunno....

"From the Military School of Life. What does not kill me makes me stronger."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

alrite well today was hMm another day.. i didn't do much of anything today.. went to my classes but i came home early i didn't go to my fifth period [ i know bad girl!] cuz i had to get my uniform and junk together for cheer pictures after schOol and stuff.. yah so sinqie pOo and i went to my house and uMm yah.."We go to Immac!" haha.. sorry if you didn't catch that one.. but she knows what i'm talking about.. so anyways yah we get home do the hair thing.. hmm.. and then do the "make up" or so called make up thing.. yah.. and then we head off to brand park to take our pictures.. it was so pretty.. the japanese tea garden.. mayn that place is the best.. anyways.. so yah we take pictures.. and ugh... i hate pictures.. don't come asking me for a copy of mine until i've seen it.. cuz if it is nayasty.. I AM NOT GIVING IT TO ANYONE! yecko.. i still have all my cheer pictures from last year cuz they turned out horrible.. HORRIBLE! okay but yah we had to come up with our own poses and stuff.. grr i hope i didn't turn out cheesy and what not.. grr i was trying to hide my miss fatty self.. but i don't think it was working.. but afterwards stephanie dropped me off and here i am.. woO hOo.. surprisingly we got through this whole picture taking thing in one piece.. and EARLY! which is amazing to me! so okay random thought of the day.. i was thinking about that song "so addictive" by truth hurts and i listened to it and it's not 'HE TURNS MY PAGES!" like i've always said it's.."RETURNS MY PAGES" gosh andi figured that out all by myself.. also i don't have my backpack with me.. grr.. i left it in phil's locker and i came back and he took it with him and stuff.. mayn.. oh well.. thanks phil i guess.. but hMm i don't think i needed the contents of my bag anyways.. i think.. i hope.. YOU BETTER WISH! haha.. jk

highlight of the day:
- being at the japanese tea garden.. so prettiful there..

NOT so highlight of the day:
- TAKING PICTURES! i hate taking pictures!

person who made me smile:
- phil !

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."
- Karen Kaiser Clark

okay so seriously i'm so tired of this blackness.. this is two straight entries in a row about me complaining about the blackness that has happened to weasel onto me.. everybody is not letting up about how dark i am, or how black i am.. gosh mayn seriously! and i got even darker now since cheer practice.. mayn freakin' cheer practice! dammit! i hate this freakin' thing.. and today right i put sun block on and then i got some in my right eye.. and ugh.. it kept bugging me at practice.. it's bad enough i already cannot see, and now i can't even open one of my eyes.. but it's okay i pulled through it.. hehe..hMm so yah.. more yearbook signing went on today.. people signed my yearbook, and krystal-love wrote on mine.."hey little BLACK asian girl!" AAH! gracious.. OKAY PEOPLE I GET IT I'M BLACK! I'M FREAKIN' BLACK! I UNDERSTAND! okay seriously.. watch i will get light! i will i will I WILL! i dont' care if i have to stand through summer wearing sweaters all through summer just so the sun won't hit me.. gosh bOoOo! okay well anyways what else is new.. i have a bunch of work to do now.. grr.. schOol sucks.. finals are coming up and mayn ugh.. GOD I'LL DO MY BEST, AND YOU DO THE REST.. alrite well hMm.. ugh i came home and i hopped right into the shower, cuz ugh i just felt all icky and nasty and stuff.. alrite.. well hMm.. it was just a normal day today.. nothing tOo interesting to blog about.. oh and i went to 7-11 with singie pOo again.. cuz ya know slurpeeS are just the absolute best in very hot weather.. oh and then afterwards i go and take the beeline and it's the nice beeline man! he's the bestest man! gosh he's so sweet.. and me and him chitchatted for awhile [ don't be jealous freda! hehe] and he was telling me about he liked filipino food! hehehe.. and he told me why some of the beelines were for free while others you had to pay.. the whole time i was just smiling.. that man always makes my day! cuz he is just so freakin' nice.. you can really see JESUS in him.. =) aww he was so nice.. and as i was leaving the beeline stop he said.."salamat kaibigan" [note: kaibigan means friend in tagalog, and salamat means thank you/thanks ] i was just like.. aww..

highlight of the day:
- beeline man!

NOT so highlight of the day:
- yet again with the BLACKNESS! i realize i'm BLACK okay, i'm working on it!

person who made me smile:
- beeline bus driver! omg.. he's the nicest man on the planet!

"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be."
- plato

alrite well today was another day... bummed out day for me.. gosh i'm getting so lazy.. even lazy to take showers! hahaha but naw forreals i was really gross... but anyways hMm.. so the day continued on and i was just signing some year books.. getting a hand cramp.. sheesh i'm not used to writing anymore since i type almost everything i do.. but uMm.. so the day continued and we have a bunch of final projects to do.. well i prefer projects to final exams.. AAH! final exams are like in a week! how disgusting is that?! ugh.. i need to start filling my brain with stuff.. cuz it's been empty all semester.. so yah mayn i was not feelin the fact that everybody was noticing how freakin' BLACK i have turned! mayn! this one guy robert was like, "Look, a dark asian!" i was like omg! dude even random people are noticing my darkness.. AAAH! i hate summer! gosh dang.. i wanna be somewhat light skinned again.. well not light skinned but not so freakin' dark! my gosh.. ugh! grr.. everybody is starting to take notice.. mayn.. they have a tanning booth don't they have a DE-tanning booth?! gosh.. GET THIS BLACKNESS OFF OF ME!! but anyways so practice continued... and it was pretty coOl.. we have a new coach.. COACH PHIL! and he's a pretty cOol guy.. he can probably take us where we need to go.. but dang i was feeling silly today.. weren't we singie-pOo.. gracious.. my streching partner! HIGH FIVE BUDDY! hehe.. MY GERMS! THIS IS THE STRONG HAND! hahaha.. sorry if you guys don't get what i'm talking about.. but it's okay singie does.. alrite.. and then after practice we go to 7-11 and i get a yummy slurpee and doritos and mango juice.. SING HOLD THE BAG! lazy asses.. alrite.. well hMm.. that was pretty much my day in a nutshell.. i was a happy bunny today...

highlight of the day:
- being silly with singie pOo

NOT so highlight of the day:
- gosh everyone noticing my BLACKNESS it's not even darkness anymore.. it's BLACKNESS!

person who made me smile:
- singie-pOo [ HIGH FIVE!! ], MY GERMS!!!!!

- here's another one -

okay this is like the freakin' third blog in the same day.. but you know i suddenly felt the urge to write about somethin.. well a friend informed today that uMm i am apparently not a friend to someone anymore, but you know what.. how come i'm not sad about losing this person.. i once was.. but you know what.. this person that is in the process of leaving my life isn't the same person that i once cherished.. this person is someone else that is so new and different to me, and frankly i don't care much about this person.. honestly.. cuz this person isn't the same person that i once cared for.. this person doesn't have the same affect on me as he did once.. the smiles are no longer on my face when he's around.. he no longer makes me smile even in times when i'm sad.. instead now he makes me cringe.. hMm.. you know all i wanna say is goodluck to this person.. cuz frankly i don't know who this person is anymore.. and i dont' care if this person is leaving my life, cuz you know why.. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE! and the sad part is.. i don't think he knows either.. hMm.. so honestly i feel sorry for you.. cuz i honestly have no anger, hostility, or animosity towards you, but you know what, YOU do.. so goodluck living your life with that in your heart, cuz heck while you're hating on us, we're smiling, laughing, living a carefree life, while you're sitting there holding all those bad emotions inside you.. hMm.. honestly i feel sorry for you.. so hMm.. goodluck to you, and the life that you want to live.. and i honestly hope you find your place in this world, and you find out who you are cuz i know it must suck to live life not knowing where you belong and who you are.. goodluck to you and my prayers are with you...

"Never mistake motion for action."
- Ernest Hemingway

okay so i just got back from my grandpappy's (hehe) 71st bday... yah good eating.. dang i ate so much freakin' food today.. fatty girl action mayn.. let's recap all the food that i ate.. first i ate some filipino food meat thing.. and that was pretty yummy and then afterwards my good ol' buddy bear joyce brought me an in-n-out cheeseburger and i gobbled that up pretty good and this is within like a 2 hour interval alrite.. plus to add to that i had a strawberry shake and a strawberry baskin robbins smOothie. and i also had thai iced tea.. and then i went to the party and then i had crispy pata yumm.. and i had leche flan and mango cake! gosh fatty girl huh?! yah i know.. dude and i'm supposed to be "cutting down" yah right..gosh i can't do that.. "i LIVE to EAT i don't EAT to LIVE." but yah now i'm sitting here watching the movie "jawbreaker" that movie is crazy creepy mayn.. eek.. when you saw that girl with the jawbreaker stuffed down her throat.. eek.. bad picture.. very very bad picture.. well let's see i dunno i decided to repeat the quote i had for the day just in case you guys didn't catch that and stuff.. and well all right so today was a FOOD filled day.. and uMm.. it was nice... hMm.. somebody define the word "closure" for me.. i dunno.. be back to write more later.. maybe.. we'll see.. blog ya later..

"Never mistake motion for action."
-- Ernest Hemingway

alrite.. so today hMm..i don't know how to start this i don't have much to blog about for the day's events.. it was staff planning day, came home early, tada, that was that.. hMm i think maybe if some new extra ordinary epiphany should come up i'll be sure to jot them down.. in the mean time here are some tests i took thanks in part to

What Jelly Belly flavor are you? I'm -

Find your flavor here!

"We are twice armed if we fight with faith..."
- plato

so my day started by going to 12 o'clock mass.. and i was supposed to go to the youth meeting, but i was feeling like going home and eating first before the basketball game started.. what a game.. haha we sucked.. no offense.. but yah it was not a fun game.. shOot i could have been eating.. but dang boy was i sarcastic today.. hMm.. i dunno i think sarcasm leaked through my ears.. cuz i was making very hMm.. interesting comments towards the other team.."maybe next time okay?! try again.. maybe tomorrow.." hMm..okay but yah seriously dude i was freakin' sarcastic mayn i think i was mean today.. but hey what's new huh?! okay but yah my cousin, gerard, played for HOJ today which was pretty cOol to watch! hehehe.. he didn't do toO bad either.. hehe.. i was proud! but no dang.. i was score keeper again like i was for the first game, how come everytime i'm score keeper they win?! what the heck ?! shOot i'm not gonna be score keeper anymore.. hehe.. and then umm carlos, my cousin, and i watched the KINGS game at my house.. Ooh mayn my heart broke.. but hey it was a freakin' good game! dang.. seriously when they went into OT i freakin' pissed in my pants.. dang.. seriously mayn.. BIBBY IS THE MAN!! seriously that guy gives me boners! but no you know what i'm sad the KINGS lost cuz i was gonna fall in love if the KINGS won.. seriously i was gonna go out and be like hey random boy.. please hold my hand.. let me write letters to you and write 143,638, 823 ... shOot but no the KINGS lost.. so uMm.. maybe next time huh?! but mayn that was a daym good game! goodness.. mayn people kept calling me and stuff after the game asking me.. "so katrina who won?!" i straight hung up on one of them, sorry bout that buddy! hehehe.. you know i still love ya ! ;) okay so hovsep calls me and asks me to go eat out and stuff.. NEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT PPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE of the day..

so hovsep picks me up and he's wearing this tacky ass laker sweater and laker hat.. bOoOoo! whatever.. lakers can suck my dick, although i gotta admit they're gonna win the championship since the freakin' nets suck tOo much dick and stuff.. but yah anyways so moving on.. yah so i was not pleased seeing hovsep in that get up.. but yah i was pleased though cuz we went to go get food at islands.. yUmMm hula burger! so we order a hula burger that freda and i shared, chedder fries, and a kona pie.. sorry hovsep we finished your kona pie.. but dang so lemme tell you.. i was giving hovsep a lesson in vocabulary.. and this is what his replies were.. hMm.. so this is kinda how are convo went..
me: hovsep, what does scrupulous mean?
hovsep: hMm.. it's a verb.. let's break it down..scrupulous is to "scruple" to pick up gently.. l
me: so like how i'm picking up this fry?
hovsep: yes exactly..
me: although if you look it up in the dictionary it means to be overly scholar..
[ hmMm.. interesting definition there.. NEXT WORD...]
me: hovsep, what does cacaphonous mean?
hovsep: hMm.. let's break it down.. first word COCK! need i say more?
me: hMm.. i guess not..
hovsep: following word.. COUGH.. last word.. FINESSE as in the shampoo FINESSE
me: oh alrite..
hovsep: yes so cacaphonous is to COUGH on your COCK with FINESSE
me: hMm.. okay dictionary definition though.. a harsh sound.. but alrite..
[ alrite NEXT WORD...]
me: what does euphonious mean?
hovsep: well hMm..
freda: Ooh i know! you are phoney!
hovsep: yes she got it!
me: hMm alrite..
[last word...]
me: hovsep, what does lugubrious mean?
hovsep: hMm.. I KNOW THIS ONE! (( says with extreme confidence))
me: (( thinking he really does know what it means ))
hovsep: it's that thing that makes you [ he does an action in which looks like he is screwing something] easier....
me: HUH?! wtFREAK?!
hovsep: oh wait that's LUBRICANT!
me: OMG!

yah so i think that just about covers it.. cuz ya know i was testing hovsep's knowledge since he just took his SATs and what not.. hMm.. alrite.. good job hovsep! but yah dang.. i think the workers were trying to kick us out cuz they were all giving us our checks early and stuff without us even asking for it.. sheesh.. i think cuz we were tOo loud.. too much LOLing going on i think.. but yah so guess who paid?! yep.. ME! gosh.. what a generous human being i am.. hehehe.. actually i don't really mind..hehe.. it's the best way to spend money.. on food and on friends =) so i'm happy.. anyways.. so afterwards i was just dropped off.. and i was on my home.. and now i'm doing this.. and trying to remember if i had any homework i needed to do.. hMm still thinking.. hMmmm....

highlight of the day:
- BIBBY IS THE MAN!
- overtime! this was a really good game!
- islands food.. yuMm

NOT so highlight of the day:
- bOOoo Lakers won.. but you know what.. it was a freakin' GOOD game!

person who made me smile:
- hovsep! hehe.. mayn buddy you are freakin' hilarious! how do you come up with these things?
- freda! the anal people during SATs! hehehe

- epiphany of the day -
so hmm.. i feel that i'm entering a new stage in my life.. entering a part of my life where i'm thinking differently than i was before.. opening new doors i guess.. and i'm not afraid to do it.. you know i'm pretty sick and tired of having animosity or having bitterness settled in my heart.. cuz that kind of life just really sucks.. i mean who wants to live a life where they have so much anger in their lives?! if you wanna live a life like that then you know what i feel really bad for you.. but honestly i decided somethign today.. starting over fresh isn't such a bad thing.. i've always said to myself that people shouldn't get a second chance type of thing.. or that starting over is a bunch of crap.. but you know what.. how do i know that starting over and starting fresh is a bad thing, how do i know i don't believe in it, if i've never tried it before?! is giving someone a second chance so much trouble?! i mean i guess it does depend on the situation ya know.. like it depends on the person.. so hMm..

woO hOo yay.. did my HOJ meeting thing today, and might i say it was pretty cOol.. everything went under HIS plan, so everything was pretty dandy.. vince did a fantabulus job moderating and stuff.. and joyce and ceej great testimonies and talks! i liked it very much! alrite.. and praise and worship was pretty good.. i had a good time today.. and it was nice seeing a friend of mine today, and catching up on things that were going on with her, and talking to her.. =D so you know today was a pretty alrite day.. hehe.. but the bad thing i was planning on working on my talk the whole day today/yesterday.. i guess since it is technically today.. and everything i'm writing now took place yesterday.. but anyways so yah i was planning to wake up early like 10:30 ish and i did, but i went back to sleep, and then i woke up at freakin' 2:30 in the afternoon! mayn sheesh.. crazy?! freakin' sleeper here.. but yah so i woke up got started on my talk right away, and then hovsep and freda came over to "help" me with my talk.. hehe it was cool seeing them.. hehe.. hovsep just slept and watched tv in my room while freda and i were hanging out in my living room.. so uMm.. afterwards.. let's see went to hoj.. did the talk.. PRAISE AND WORSHIP was awesome.. ofcourse.. and hehe we did mambolo for action songs.. hehe carlos's favorite! haven't done that action song in a very long time.. oh yah after hoj we all went to st.micheal's hall, this room at church, and kat was doing her singing thing, serenading us with her beautiful voice while hovsep was playing the piano.. sounds pretty cool huh?! yah and freda i were doing some lyrical dance.. hehe.. yup.. pretty cool.. okay well anyways.. i dunno what else to write for today.. tomorrow/today on the other hand.. there's the HOJ vs. inca youth bball game so that should be an event to watch.. and then there's the KINGS game.. hMm that should be a fun game to watch also.. all right.. i think that's all for me for this blog..

highlight of the day:
- holding the youth meeting
- the whole day was just all around good...

NOT so highlight of the day:
- ewaking up at like 2 freakin' 30! gosh dang! what a day wasted at sleeping.. hold on wait..sleepig is not bad.. hehehe so maybe i should put that under highlight of the day?! hehe

person who made me smile:
- GOD ! partied with GOD today! =D