Just Because

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.
Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality.
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.
Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining,
Keep running,
Keep hoping,
Keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already:.... COMPLETE!

[[ i like that! i really do! don't you?? ]]

I must have rehearsed my lines a thousand times,
Until I had them memorized.
But when I get up the nerve to tell you,
the words just never seem to come out right.
-- patti LaBelle "if only you knew"

oh my, i'm oh so very tired right now.. cuz i had a wayy too busy day yesterday, and i guess i'm feeilng the after effects of it today.. =/ well on to my day yesterday, since it's a MUST i discuss the events of that day, and also since it plays a role on my tiresome day today.. so here i go..

[thursday]
was an okay school day, i don't really recall all the events of my school day today.. all i did know was that it was cold, and i was wearing my cheer uniform! BOOO! to that! but yeah we had a game against pasadena highschool. so the day was doing the usual nonsense, and then it was time for the game, so me, sinq, and yelena do the usual stuff that we do, come to my house, but before we went to my house we went to this bakery near my house cuz sinq and i had a craving for something sweet to fill our tummies with. so we go and we buy yummy pastries! after that we hang out at my house for a bit, and i had to tidy up my room cuz there were people coming in to see our house, since we're selling it.. [ anyone wanna buy it?? ] hehe but anyways, so yeah we did our make up for the game, cuz apparently there's "game makeup" now adays, and we took our usual trip to mcdonalds! yess! aww, nobody asked to take pictures with us this time! bummer! hehe, after that we go to the game, and sadly witness JV lose. it's okay guys next time!! well then it was the varsity game, we stretched, walked with drum corps, and cheered.. my tummy started to feel funny, freakin' mcdonalds! GAS?? hahaha oh yeah i forgot to mention, my juicy juice bought a drink the size of lake tahoe! haha that was HUUGGE!! hehe but anyways.. so it was the varsity game, and yes guys we LOST! oh well, next time, but again i was proud of our football players they played a hardy game out there! and i witness the BEST TACKLE i have ever seen, and hoover WASN'T on the receiving end of it! haha yess believe it! it was freakin' beautiful. kinda scary how i'm actually getting into this whole football thing, and aww i got a visit from some rad ass people! yeah charles, max, nikki, vanessa, and ceej came and visited me at my game!! aww, they didn't come inside though, cuz yeah no moolah! well actually they did, but they didnt' wanna spend it watching a football game, especially a HOOVER won, daym glendale high haters! hehe but yeah, aww i was happy they even thought of coming by.. THANKS GUYS!! you guys made me cheer so much better! =D hehe, but anyways yeah Hoover scored the first touchdown, which i mean was good, since like they were playing some fast, big, black people! i mean wowzers! they were fast! but yeah.. in the end the score was 6-20, and by the end of the fourth quarter low and behold i see charles, max, nikki, vanessa, and ceej again! haha, they decided to come back at that time, cuz they knew it was FREE! haha nice one guys! they just said their his and hellos, and chilled for a bit after that.. the excitement began at iN-N-OUT...

i need a separate paragraph for this one! cuz wowie! haha iN-N-OUT events were just too much to handle! so i go there with my buddy ZACH ( the ass didn't call me over the summer to hang out, oops you did, left a message and get this HE ACTUALLY EXPECTED ME TO CALL!! haha i don't call boys, SORRY ZACH! but i will next time!!! didn't mean to send you the wrong message there buddy) hehe anyways, and joyce was with us also so we all "roll out" over there and zach was so kind to buy me my food, thanks! aww what a buddy! but yeah after awhile zach started talking about some dude that ate a 12x12 at in n out.. you guys know what that is? it's 12 patties on the burger! yeah hence 12x12.. and skarlet says she thinks she could do it if she was really hungry, so zach bets she can't.. and she takes the bet! so we go order a 12x12 and mayn when they gave it to her it looked crazy nasty!!! all greasy, it was like meatncheese times 12! duh! hahaha but yeah and so she starts eating, after like the 3rd patty I started getting sick to my stomach.. i couldn't even watch it! i mean it was so gross! dude, you can feed a freakin' family with that thing! and dude, you know at in n out they put your burger in a little plastic thing, well this one was so big that they had to cut a to-go bag and put the burger in that!! yeah.. after awhile she just kept eating and eating.. and like everyone at the in n out was in on it, like the workers would check up on her and ask, "which one are you on?" oh mayn! gross ass dude! and get this, when she had like only 2 bites left, one of the pieces fell, and we were like ooh that means you didn't eat the whole burger! so she picks it up, and PUTS iT iN HER MOUTH!! ahh!! mayn! it's already bad enough she's eating a freakin' whole cow! now she's eating a dirty one! haha! but success finally reached and she ate her last bite! skarl, i don't know how you did that, and NOT throw up! so get this, she didn't even really win much of anything, just that zach bought the burger which cost $11.91, and she didn't have to pay it back, and she got the change from the $20 that he paid it with! hahaha.. oh well, she earned some crazy respect from zach though! haha.. but yeah that was a horrid sight to watch!!

afterwards, zach dropped joyce and i off, got home at around 11.. and i had not touche dmy homework or studied for muy 3 tests tomorrow, and didn't finish my project yet.. so i staye dup and did the project.. slept at 4, but not cuz of the project.. hMmm

[friday
dude, it's official i absolutely DESPiSE thursday games.. they're a freakin' dick in the face dude! cuz you get all tired and worn out, and you gotta wake up all early.. and i felt unprepared for anything my teachers were going to throw at me that day! i did not only have 3 tests, but 4.. cuz my physiology teacher decided to throw a pop quiz in our face! ahh chuntified!! so yeah what a freakin' school day, 4 tests/quizzes and a project due in my french class! yess! oh joy! // sarcasm \\ so i was soo tired today, lack of sleep, and with all the brain power i had to use.. well my trig test didn't go too bad, actually it was pretty freakin' easy! and i came in late too!! fudge!! freakin' school system and those darn tardy sweeps! another dick in the face right there! sheesh! so i come in late, but i still had time to finish my test, thank goodness! and then english vocab test was okay.. then U.S. History.. this is where guessing had to take into play.. gracious.. i don't know.. BSed the essay questions.. ehh.. one test for history is bleh! only one though! this i promise myself!!! and then french, project FiNiSHED! yess! and it looked pretty nice too! so yay! and i got my test back that i thought i would not do too greatly on but i wound up getting a B! yay! but if i was not rudely interrupted i could have gotten an A! darn ms. kartoshian! EViL WOMAN! and then it was cheer practice.. i got sick during practice.. like my eyes felt all heated and what not, and skarlet like felt my forehead and what not and she said i felt hot.. which i did feel. =/ i've been having those weird like 3 hour feverish type feelings, but they go away.. weird huh? yeah but anyways.. ooh i was styling during cheer practice.. i had sweats, pulled up, with some high socks up!! haha.. yesss! DON'T MESS WiTH THiS! cheer practice we were put into some funky ass stunting groups! but ehh.. whatever too tired to think.. i'm in major need of a nap!! i practically slept in all my classes today! well i atleast wanted to. but i had to pay attention.. darn that! ahh, tomorrow PSATs, joyce's debut practice, and then it's nikki's party! oh mayn.. ooh well on a lighter note, days of verdugo parade is NEXT saturday, not this saturday! so yay to that! COME WATCH US, AND SUPPORT HOOVER PEP TEAM!! yesss?? well anywys after that walked home with joyce.. and now i'm online.. wanting to take a nap, but people are coming to see the house today also.. and i mean it would be weird for them to want to come into my room if they see some girl sleeping in the bedroom.. so i have to keep myself awake.. =/ alrite.. well i'm gonna get moving.. and do whatevers.. i'm borified at home, but yet too lazy to leave.. hMM.. what a predicament.. mayn i was supposed to go to knott's scary farm with zach, but ehh how come i told him i couldn't go, when i didn't even have anything to do?! gracious.. dumb dick me! he had an extra ticket too! ugh.. shoot i would be pissing in my pants right now scared!! ehh.. oh well quality time with mommy! =D

CAN YOU PiCTURE ME iN THESE?

i was looking for some dresses online, cuz me and my mom haven't had time to go out to the mall and look for my homecoming dresses, and i figure i should sort of have an idea of what kind of dress i want... these are just some random ideas, and looking online.. also cuz i'M BORED! so yeah.. here i am sharing what i found with the public.. what do you guys think??

i think guys are dicks because they try to make up for what they don't have.
-- haha that was funny, thanks to rozhene for that one!!

well today was quite a day.. well not really, but let's just pretend.. hehe but yeah i decided not to go to my first two periods cuz i had a physiology test that i needed to study for. i studied a bit last night, but i wanted things fresh in my mind this morning also.. so i woke up at 7:30 and hit the books... i studied, read the chapters, looked at my notes the usual, and then i drifted off to sleep for a little bit, and then i woke up in ten minutes.. it was weird cuz you know how usually when you drift off and fall asleep you lose track of time, and you wake up and you're like AHH! but for some odd reason i'd be getting a dream, and then like all of a sudden something would be like.. "gotta wake up, must study." hehe i don't know, weird huh? yeah hehe and so i would wake up after awhile, and i still didn't feel prepared so i decided instead of going to snack and 3rd period, i would just go to my phsyiology class and go to my classes from there.. so yeah that's what i do.. took my shower.. get to class, and my cousin dropped me off luckily, or else i would have been late. so i get there, and yeah things were okay.. my test went okay.. after that it was lunch, and there was filipino club meeting, and mayn that club is just hilarious, cuz nothign really gets done.. it's like you go tehre sit, you eat your food, they talk for a little bite, and the rest of the time it's all a bunch of craziness.. so after that just attended my classes.. my HOTBOY BALLER junior walked me to my class.. he's such a hottie!! haha.. yes, and he's MY homecoming date! oh charles you're a hottie too! hahaha, anyways.. yeah french class was okay.. blablabla.. and then it was cheer... and we're getting ready for the days of verudgo parade that is happening THiS saturday.. umm hello how come i have SOOO much to do that saturday.. it all depends though, cuz first i have my PSATs to take that saturday, that's like at 8 in the morning, and unless i'm mistaken, the days of verdugo parade starts at 10in the morning! my PSATs don't end till 12pm.. so hmm.. what a dilemma??? i don't know.. obviously that most likely means i won't be able to get to the parade, but i soo wanted to go! =/ FiDDLESTiCKS! and those parades are fun, cuz i got to see CI boys! haha.. fudge! i could have found my husband there! haha yeah right! but anyways, so we just practiced aroudn the track, but before that we were going to the track and our captain jackie suddenly decides, "yeah, let's run." i'm just like nooo!!! i wasn't in the mood to run, but hey if the captain says so, that's how it is! so we run first all together, there were two lines of two, me and mel were the front people.. wowie! i've never ran my mile so fast like that before! i mean usually like jackie and skarlet are ahead of me for like a good minute or more, but this time i was just like a couple seconds behind them! i'm so proud of myself!! =D, yay for me! well i don't know if you guys can tell, but i am feeling A WHOLE LOT BETTER! thanks for everyone who told me they were going to pray for me... i really appreciated that, and as you can see, it is really helping! katrina will be a happy camper in no time!! alritee, well i'm gonna go be the school girl and get to my homework but ofcourse eat first.. cuz i heated up some yummy steak from the night before.. (( tummy growling )), i must tend to my food now.. BYE!!

Sometimes the one thing you are looking for is the one thing you cannot see.
-- anonymous

i didn't go to school today, cuz when i woke up i had a splitting headache! i was just not gonna go to first period, but then my headache was just ehh! my head was throbbing.. remind me not to cry so much anymore. hehe well anyways i'm feeling better, things are not better or whatever, but i'm feeling better. it was about time i broke down like that i guess, it was much needed. sometimes you just need those moments when you feel so weak. cuz it's those moments that make you strong. yeah well so right now i'm just chillin' here, not doing a darn thing. and waiting for people who are in my classes to come online so i can find out what the homework is. me a nerd? yes, apparently nowadays that's the thing working for me. last night was a bad time, but at the same time it was a very good day. a lot of good things came out from it.. BLESSiNG iN DiSGUiSE? hMm maybe.. i think i'm just gonna take the time to THANK the following people who were there for me when i was in need of someone to be there, and since my profile didn't fit everything i wanted to say to them.

awesum2sum: : dang girl, where would i be in this world w/o ur wise words! i don't know. i said earlier, i'm not standing on my own, and i'm only leaning on something, but i didn't know what it was. now i know.. it's u. thanks for letting me lean on u, w/o even me asking. you're the person that reminds me everyday that i'm gonna make it, and that i am strong enough to get through what this world has thrown to me. you keep me up, and you help me keep me sane. without you in my life i would be completely lost. you keep looking at that glimmer of light in that dark tunnel. when all i can see is darkness you help me see the light. i don't think i can say enough words to tell you how much i appreciate you and how much i love you.

MY PRECiOUS: the innocent by stander in all this mess that i have placed you in. what are you doing still sticking around and being patient with me? i don't even know, but all i can say is thank you for being you, and thank you for being there all those times i have needed you. i know you don't need the things i have put you through, but you still stick around. you keep me smiling when all i can do is frown. when my heart is heavy, you pick up some of the weight. i can't thank you enough. you have been such a great person to me!! i couldn't have asked for anything better. thank you for giving me the truth, thank you for being genuine, and thank you for being the complete opposite of what i think a boy is. i love you.

MAX: omgracious, you came over and brought me tissue! i know we didn't get the chance to talk or anything, but the fact that you came by with tissue in hand was good enough for me! you offered me a comfort that nobody else could have probably given me at that time when i really needed it. your presence and the fact that you came by was all i needed to make me crack a little smile at that time. thanks for going out of your way to come by, and hang out in my room, and not share a word with me. hehe, don't think that you were not appreciated, because you were GREATLY appreciated.

CHARLES: MR.HAPPY! ahh! thank you for staying up with me, and hearing me complain and allowing me to let out some of the emotions i had on you. you stayed up and talked to me when i really needed someone to just lash out.. thank you for letting me kick your ass! =D through everything that we've been through you have proven to me that you're still around.. and that maybe, just maybe, you're not like the rest of them boys. hMm, could it be true? you have given me no reason to doubt your friendship, and i'm not going to. you make me happy, no MR.HAPPY does not make me happy, but you make me happy! hehe. thanks for making me smile and laugh with your idiotic ways. i really appreciate you being an idiot for me! =D

to everyone else that care and were worried about my well being, thanks for taking the time to care about me. just cuz i didn't mention your name on here, it doesn't mean i don't appreciate you guys taking the time out of your lives to care about me, cuz i do.

i'm being kicked, when i'm already down.
-- me

everything i believed in, and everything i stood for is suddenly crumbling in front of me. This goes beyond what i could have imagined. the pain i'm feeling is starting to go beyond what my "boy issues" were about.. it's finally hitting home. but it was inevitable right? yeah ofcourse. don't get me wrong, i still believe GOD has his reasons for doing this. no doubt in my mind about that. i know this is just a journey. i know all that stuff, but right now i'm still in that part of my journey where i'm feeling a lot of pain. it's like what it was before.... all coming at me all at the same time. i guess that's how it works with me. right now it's like everything i thought i understood, i don't understand anymore, and everything i was once immune to, it stings again. life, a never ending battle. i don't know what i'm gonna do right now, i don't know what i'm gonna do with myself, but i know what i do have in me, and i guess i still do have hope in me. through all the darkness surrounding me i still acknowledge that there's a light. a very obscure light. i don't think i'm standing on my own right now, i'm leaning, i don't even know what i'm leaning on. i'm not myself right now, and i don't even think it's safe for people to be around me right now. the only thing i can reply to anything is, i don't know i feel so helpless. i feel like there are no answers and no solutions. i honestly just don't know right now.

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.

thanks to my awesum2sum for that one.
-- PRAY FOR ME.

What American Idol Are You?



yay, ROCK ON! i love her!

we have to try and succeed, and be better people, but we still make mistakes.
-- sis. donna

okay well my nocturnalness is setting in, and i have a lot of stuff on my plate at the moment, so i might be blogging a lot more. let me first get started on how my day has been.. well i began my day with waking up at like 10ish by a plethara of phone calls.. so i couldn't really get to sleep anymore, and then freda came to my house after she took her SAT2s at the good ol' Hoover High! yess, and i took my shower, and we left to go get some yoshinoya. i'm suing yoshinoya! they poisoned us, cuz after we ate that stuff freda and i started to get this funny feeling in our tummys.. diarrhea? hahaha.. no i'm jk... food poisoning still has an affect on my stomach, i don't think my stomach really gets over that.. but anyways so we wait some more for the beeline, and freda had an ish attack cuz umm we spied jollibee hahaha.. jk freda! i know you weren't freaking cuz of that person! TRUST! i know! but anyways, after that we talked back to my house, chilled there, and then we went to our first ever ACTUAL debut practice. gosh can we say HARDCORE! dramatic action though.. like freakin' had to be all dramatic and serious.. and i mean how serious and dramatic can you get when you put a bunch of people that like younguns together? i mean come on now, be real.. hehe yeah it was an interesting practice. i was really anxious on how things would work out, cuz of certain circumstances that arose. yeah well anyways.. hmm everything just went swell. yeah, until i heard something that totally freakin' brought me down. i don't know i was having a pretty good day, and then i heard about the STUPiDiTY and selfishness of someone's actions.. yeah.. right now that's all i gotta say about that one.. but anyways.. the debut practice was pretty cool cuz like everyone was just like doing it and stuff.. some people got a little confused.. freakin' charles with his mumbo-jumbo steps. dang dude "chillax" shoot! haha.. freakin' 20 mile long steps.. anyways yeah and after that i had to run to my aunt's house cuz my mommy was celebrating her bday there too.. you guys she's old she's 47 years old! hehe.. she'd probably get mad at me for posting her age online like that.. hehe but anyways so i chilled there for awhile.. it was so nice to see my godson and the other babies! gosh they were like the only reality i wanted to live with, cuz right now reality, and what's set in front of me isn't the hottest looking thing in the world.. well after awhile i went to HOJ and sis. donna gave an awesome talk! wow, i really needed that. it really spoke to me. i wasn't in the greatest mood though, but gosh darn i was really trying. REALLY TRYiNG. but i guess when you're not in the mood, you're just not in the mood for some stuff.. well afterwards we went to nikki's house to chill, and also visit danielle since it was danielle's bday! HAPPY BDAY DANiELLE! although that is probably too late already. hehe but yeah and we were just chillin' there.. and then afterwards freda, nikki, and i decided to have a "trampoline talk" yeah that was fun.. and then charles joined in the fun! and then that's when things got umm interesting haha dang.. that was hardcore!! if i do say so myself.. yes freda and i are now officially the FEMALE DOGS! haha sometimes anyway. haha! yeah you know sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes you may not want to hear the truth, but it has to be said. and if the people that wind up telling the truth come out to be the female dogs for it.. then so be it, atleast those people are being real! cuz mayn, it's sooo hard to find people who are "real" nowadays... everyone wants to sugar coat things, and make everyone feel better.. when in reality, that's not what people need.. PEOPLE NEED THE TRUTH! and if the truth hurts too much, then don't listen to it. be naive. and live life like that, and if that makes you happier.. to live life hearing only lies, then so be it. would you rather hear the TRUTH, and get upset about it? or rather hear lies, and be happy for awhile, and then get slapped in the face afterwards when you do find out the truth. so hmm which one? hard choice huh? yeah well anyways.. after all the seriousness it finally died down and stuff and the convo started to be pretty laid back.. haha MR. HAPPY oh gracious! that was just too much.. so umm wanna make mr. happy happy? hahahhaa.. oh mayn! that was too much! who would have figured that one?! haha.. and then charles the genius started jumping up and down on the trampoline, and freda and i were still like holding onto each others hands, and we freakin' bumped heads, and charles loses control of his jumping and he freakin' flies over me and freda! hahaha slick one there buddy! haha and then later we try it again, and i'm all controlled in one area, and i see freda flying left and right freakin' bouncing freakin' 10 feet up in the air! hahaha that was hilarious.. and after that we just went into nikki's house and chilled with the cool folks! we watched danielle open her presents, and miggz put on a show for us! haha that was one hilarious guy! and no freda, i am not hollering at that! come on now! hahaha you know i'm waiting for "horse face" hahaha.. oh gracious! horse face and squish face 4 life hahaha! anyways.. after that we all just went home.. i had a really good time today had it's ups and downs, but chillin at nikki's house just really like relaxed me for once.. it took me away from the reality that ofcourse i have to face... but sometimes you just need those moments.. although it doesn't take you completely away from the situation, it still does take you away.. and for that time you smile a genuine smile.. which is really good.. =D so praise GOD! i think this is it for this blog.. and i wanna end with the thing sis. donna ended with at HOJ prayer meeting that night..

PSALMS 23
Because the Lord is my Sheperd,
i have everything i need!
He lets me rest in the meadow grass
and leads me beside the quiet streams.
He restores my failing health.
He helps me do what honors him the most.
Even when walking through the dark valley of death
i will not be afraid, for you are close behind me,
gaurding, guiding all the way.
You provide delicious food for me in the presence of my enemies.
You have welcomed me as your guest; blessings overflow!
Your goodness and unfailing kindness shall be with me all of my life,
and afterwards i will live with you forever in your home.

PSALMS 25:4-7
Show me the path where i should go,
O Lord; point out the right road for me to walk.
Lead me; teach me; for you are the GOD who gives me salvation.
I have no hope except in you.
Overlook my youthful sings, O Lord!
Look at me instead through eyes of mercy and forgiveness,
through eyes of everlasting love and kindness.

--
i think those Bible verses are the things keeping me sane at this point.