realizations...


so i was able to come to a few realizations the past couple of days, well actually it all just kind of came to me yesterday with prayer and talking to the BiG MAN, but yeah.. it came to me... i've been handling everything all wrong. i was able to deal with a lot of stuff before with some sort of ease before, because i never let the situation make me. i always tried to make the situation fit to me, but this time i let the situation make me. before i would never be sad or mad about anything that was going on between me and the family, becuase i didn't let the situation make me, but now i let it. i let the situation mold me into a person that i wasn't. a person that always brought their head down and would be quiet when i was with a group of friends. i was never that person, and i let the situation make me into that person. also, i realized that it's okay if a person doesn't understand what i'm saying, or understand my point of view about the situation, as long as i was able to say it, cuz really that's all i want. i was talking to GOD while everything was happening, and i was asking Him how would i make this person understand what i'm trying to say?! and He was telling me, "Don't expect them to understand you Katrina, cuz i made you different from the rest. So, there will be many times where they won't understand you, because i have made you different." and i know GOD made everyone in a different sort of way, ofcourse. So, He can say that to everyone out there, but to me it was like, He told me that. He personally told me that, and honestly after that i had the most relaxed feeling about things. i was brought back from where ever i was. now, i don't expect results from what i tell people i feel, cuz if i sit here and expect results i may never get it, and then i'm back to being un-satisfied. so you know what, as long as i'm able to say what i want to say, and i'm not inhibited from doing that, then i'm good. i don't need anything else. i'm not gonna depend my satisfaction on whether or not people will be able to accomplish something for me, i will depend my satisfaction on my own accomplishments, not anyone elses.


people will have their opinions of me, and that's fine. people are bound to have different opinions of me anyway.. whether good or bad. now i see every opinion that i do get from people will ALWAYS BE POSiTiVE for me. whether or not they intended anything bad by it, because atleast a person has an opinion of me. atleast they sat there and thought about me to come up with that opinion, so that in itself is a good thing. besides if a person is making negative comments about me, it's okay, as long as i know i wasn't trying to be that person, then really it's okay. i'm not trying to be what they claim i am, so why i trip?! i know that that's not me, and i know i have tried to be the best person i can be, and if that's what they got out of it, and if they got a negative view on my "best person" then it's okay, cuz again, it's their opinion, and everyone is entitled to that. as long as i know, within myself, that i'm not being that person, and i am not that person, then it's cool. =)


hello: Others should spend their time more working on themselves rather than try and put down other people. Unless, of course, they are already perfect and they have nothing better to do.
hello: God's opinion is the only one that counts. He truly knows you and knows how special you are
hello: When it comes right down to it when we face God, whoever is slamming you will not be there. Only you and God
hello: And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. They will show that you will be given praise and honor and glory when Jesus Christ returns.
hello: 1 Peter 1:6-7 On that day you will be glad, even if you have to go through many hard trials for a while. Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire.


thank you. &GOD bless.

i wanna say thank you to whoever you are for the following reasons:


thank you for writing those comments, cuz they are making me a stronger person. So keep 'em coming. also, thanks for the prayers. i don't mind them at all. prayers are always good too. and thanks for making my life "one of your hobbies" as you say, cuz that's really flattering. i'm THAT significant to your life that i would become a hobby. that's really cool.


also you just contradicted yourself.. first calling me "haughty" and then the next time you say i have "self-image" issues. a person that's proud, yet has self-image issues. yes i have self-image issues, but i think everyone in this world does. so it's no big deal to me...


and those comments from my FRiENDS that i posted up, it doesn't matter to you what you think of them. if you think they're lies or if you think they're crap, cuz they mean something to me. and it proves to me no matter how many of YOU guys are out there, i will ALWAYS have them to be there for me, as for people like YOU in my life, YOU guys will come and go, but friends like them i will always have.


it's good you know GOD loves you, and will always love you. i was afraid by how you act to things you'd forget that, but it's good that you haven't forgotten that. i have never denied GOD's unconditional love for you, cuz i know He loves you. i'm still praying for you. hope you're having a great day.


and mister/miss i'm no longer paying anymore attention to you until you write who you are. cuz if you talk such a big game, then PROVE iT! write your name down and show you're as big as you talk. besides, what's the worse that can happen. all i wanna do is really give you a high five on your fabulous grammar, cuz you have pretty good grammar, and also a hug to helping contribute to make me an even stronger person. =)

[irritated face] Pt2: fallen far 4m the tree. u swagger around w/a pseudointellectual facade talking about ur car &insignificant problems then turn around &act like you live in a ghetto. poor quality, ugh UR poor quality


[irritated face] Pt1: u “ache for simplicity” but ur haughty personality begs 2differ. apparently ur mother is shallow&pretentious, what w/being too good 4a "poor quality" store like target. NEWSFLASH! the apple hasn't


*applause* one of you guys that tag such things on my board finally got to me. really i applaud you, because so far everyone has lacked the ability to get to me that writes things on my tagboard, but you have. heck that doesn't just deserve applaud but a standing ovation. but, although you got to me, i still have a couple of things to say to you, since i do not know who you are, since you refuse to write your name and tell me who you are for whatever reason i have to tell you through this, cuz by the looks of things, you read my blog.l since apparently you have all the balls in the world to tell me those things, you seem to lack the balls to even tell me who the hell you are. weird? yes. i think so. cuz i think it would take more balls to say those things then simply stating your name, but i guess that's just me. so let's go on to addressing the issues you apparently know so much about...


you're trying to sound like you know me so well, but you don't. you don't know what i'm really feeling in my heart, and what i really want deep within myself, because i barely even know that. i don't know everything my heart feels, and i don't know every emotion i'm feeling, so why is it all of a sudden you know everything?! if you know everything, care to tell me some more things, cuz you apparently know me so very well. i would appreciate the help. my "haughty personality" you say.. you ever think i act the way i act becuase that's what i want to show people, because i don't think people need to be knowing my business. you think i'm gonna walk around with a sad face and tears in my eyes because that's what i'm feeling?! no, i'm not like that. i leave things where they need to be, because i still have to try and maintain a life through everything. i still have to be the best person i can be out there, and being my best doesn't mean walking around without a smile on my face, and tears rolling down my cheeks. that is not my best, so i refuse to be that. you think just because i live the life i live, doesn't mean i want something besides that?! you think just cuz i drive a nice car and live in a nice house that i don't ache for the simple life. i'd rather live in a beat up old apartment and getting my ass to places by bus, as long as it means i have a family that through everything will stick by each other, because they love each other so much. i will trade EVERYTHiNG i have to get that. and you mister/miss, if you have that i envy you, and i think you have so much more than me.


secondly, you don't know half of the crap that i go through in everyday life. so don't go around calling them "insignificant". you have no right to call anyone's experiences insignificant, because you know what, no matter how hard you think you have it, someone else out there has it harder than you. everyone out there is fighting a hard battle. i don't know what made you, to what i think, the ASSHOLE that you are, but i'm sure it must have been some rigorous kind of stuff cuz you're a pretty big ASS HOLE! and to be such a big ASS HOLE you must have been put through a lot of crap.


i never once claimed i lived in "a ghetto", and if i ever did i'm sure it was a joke. i'm sorry if you didn't catch the humor in it. check your resources before you talk. you were pretty good at the first part of your tag, but the second part you got a little rusty there. what did you run out of things to say? cuz the second part didn't hit me at all.


"poor quality", if that's what i am to you, then i'm fine with that. cuz you know what, atleast i am something to you right? that's better than nothing. and just cuz i'm poor quality doesn't make me poor quality to everyone out there, so knowing that i'm okay. i don't need to be "high quality" to anyone but GOD, and with Him i'm the highest quality out there to Him. i hope what you wrote gave you satisfaction, and i hope knowing that i did shed some tears when i read that gives you even more satisfaction. cuz atleast this "poor quality" girl can give you some satisfaction in your life. i just feel sorry for you, cuz you have to leave messages like that to find it.


if you have more to say to me, feel free to say it to me face to face, via telephone, or online. i'm sure you can get a hold of that information, cuz i mean since you've figured out so much about me already, i'm sure you can figure that out too. iM me if you want. my SN is right there, feel free to refer to it if you need it. GOD bless you, and you are definitely in my prayers, cuz it's obvious you need it.


and to "u need attention" thanks for the "fans" comment. it made me smile. i'm glad to have fans! bring them on!


and to those that matter.. thanks for the love and support, and always being there to lift me up when others try to bring me down. i stay strong for you guys. i keep going cuz of you guys! and for that i thank you guys and i love you guys with all my heart. my "fans" only deepen my appreciation for you guys... so you guys should thank my "fans" too.

the people that matter:

Xx o Gracious xX: katrina...nothing that person says a bit of truth
oO Litter BuG Oo: why does it hurt me so much freda?
Xx o Gracious xX: because ur human..and ur aperson w/a loving heart
Xx o Gracious xX: and u have a quality that a lot ppl eventually lose along the way
Xx o Gracious xX: the passion to care
Xx o Gracious xX: and u never have lost that..
Xx o Gracious xX: and u never really will
Xx o Gracious xX: no one will take that away from u..
Xx o Gracious xX: the ability to be a beautiful person..



oO Litter BuG Oo: gosh.. mean people really suck!
DispnoijuschillN: Well i think ur really kewl,,,and the opposite of everything he said..



My Precious,
don't be beleaguered by foreign
opinions that are incontrovertiblely false.
I and 'Cole believe you are STRONG
enough to get through anything. Don't
lose your view of your own self-worth that
i see so vividly. keep your eye on what makes
you happy and devitalize anything that doesn't



O Litter BuG Oo: i'm sick of people like that! cuz dammit nash, what do i do?!
oO Litter BuG Oo: do i do anything to get this kind of reaction from people?!
swt guyx nash: apparently something that they dont appreciate


thanks guys.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
-- Mother Theresa


Well well, three more fun filled days of school left.. yep finals are here once again. gosh how long have i been writing in this thing?! seems like forever already. oh well, anyways. took a break from studying to write in this thing, cuz yeah didn't wanna feel like i was abandoning ita ll of a sudden. so hMm today is father's day. hopefully you guys got to spend some time with your padre's and stuff... i did. i woke up considerably early today, cuz yesterday i woke up at like 2:30 in the afternoon, and today i woke up at 11:30am! crazy early for me! but anyways, so at around 3ish, my sissy and i went over to glendale and picked up my dad, i drove. [sad face] and we ate at sushi of naples.. and umm excuse me but can i say this it's not expensive there! the place we went to on friday cost practically the same as sushi of naples, and naples was by far better! but that's to those who i went out with on friday, but yeah anyways.. i was real hungry! so i had a great amount of food injected into my system! yeppo. crazy amount! the food was so yummy! PRAiSE GOD for beef teriyaki, california rolls, and spider rolls! i had practically the same meal on friday.. so it was my sissy, my dad, and i just talking about stuff... it was a good convo... but anyways, after that we all headed out to my dad's place to drop him off... for father's day my sister and i just burned him a CD with some songs he liked on it. flat broke you see, so we had to go for the thoughtful present. what i love most about my dad is his appreciation for the little things, so i knew a well thought out present like that would make him happy! so i we gave him that, and stuff. the sweetest thing happened. so i had to take a quick potty break after we dropped him off, too much iced tea i think, and so i go up to his apartment to use his restroom, and when i go out he's playing the CD we burned him! [happy face] and then he starts like taking me to dance with him [happy face x 2] it was just so nice. cuz if you guys know my past relationship with my dad i would never have been able to do something like this. things have come a long way since last father's day when it was so hard for me to even give my dad a card, and sign "love, katrina" at the end of it. so yeah it came a long way.... well yeah i started smiling, and crying a bit, cuz yeah i don't know just was, and i was hiding my face cuz i didn't want my daddy to see me cry, cuz then he cries, but too late, cuz he started crying already. it was just nice having my dad back after not having him around in my life for so long, it felt real nice having a dad again[happy face] well anyways, after that i zoom off and the cutest thing, my dad pokes his head out of his window to see us go. [happy face x 10!] i thought it was cute... i love staying with him sometimes cuz with all the hullabaloo my mom creates about the house i ache for the simplicity my dad brings to my life. my mom would never step foot into Target, but i find it fun sometimes cuz everything is so cheap, and those are the kinds of things i can do with my dad. go to target and buy random objects that you just find interesting. my mom would never let me buy something cool at target, cuz she thinks they're "poor quality". Poor quality or not, it's cheap and FUN! whatever, but that's a whole different story. i wont' get into the subject of my mom cuz yeah.. i get all irked about it. and i dont' wanna discuss that. don't get me wrong i love my mom. it's just right now she has other priorities that i just don't agree with, and i wanna stay away from.

so hmm.. on to better news.. YES weekend is coming up on june 28th to june 29th. preparing my GOD's love talk, and always revising the things i have now... never seems to feel quite the way i want to, but hey, GOD will take over when it comes time that i give it, and everything will be to His will, so no worries there. i'm getting quite excited about the event with all the skit practices and talk of everything going on.. i really can't wait... [excited face] to those who wanna come just leave a tag on any comments you may have, i'll get right to it.

i think this is it for now.. i have a feeling i'm gonna be updating more often, since i have a lot to try and clear from my mind. see you guys around, and GOD bless.