a lot of the time we don't have control over what happens to us, but it's okay cuz there is SOMEONE who has full control.
-- me


well hMm, i haven't blogged *gasp* i used to write on this hunk-a-junk religiously.. i think i will get back on that, cuz yeah, i have nothing better to do over here... so let's just write the randomness of what's on my mind, and what's been going on...


right now, my right shoulder is HURTiNG! yeah real bad! i think i slept on it funny, cuz i didn't do anything strenuous to it. so i'm guessing i just slept the wrong way on it, but yeah i can barely lift it... and that's not cool.. so i went to the doctor today, cuz my mom was trippin' out.. i felt like it was nothing, but yeah she was trippin' out, so i went to the doctor, and i waited for freakin' FOREVER! seriously, i mean i wasn't in the waiting room, i was really like on the hospital bed thing just waiting for some doctor to come, and i was so annoyed cuz everyone seemed to get first dibs on getting help then me, but i didn't mind that much, cuz i figured they handled things by cases.. so there were probably more serious cases than mine that needed immediate attention.. so i wait, the doctor comes in and he just says "where does it hurt?" i point it to him.. "when does it hurt?" i told him in the directions it hurt when i moved in, and BOOM! he says i have tendonitis, and he says that's all there is to it, and there's no treatment for it at the moment.. and it's going to be something re-occurring through out my life now.. and some people to get rid of it go through surgery but that's later on.. HURRAH! and he said if it didn't go away in a week i would have to go through physical therapy.. what ever i can physical therapy it my own darn self! but yeah... so that was the shoulder thing, still hurts like a mother, but now i'm trying to move it around more and suck up the pain.. i don't know if that'll make the shoulder worse or make it better.. but darn it i hate being disabled on one arm.. gracious...


so let's see what else is on the mind.. oh yeah i'm pooped! like seriously i've been so tired lately.. physically like my body is breaking on me i think.. and yet i still persist on working out, whyyy?! i don't know, i guess i just can't look down and be happy by seeing something bulging there.. so i work out.. like my good ol' awe2sum told me, "Maybe you're body is trying to tell you something, like GET SOME REST!" yeah i suppose, but hey what does my body know anyway right?! if my mind things it can keep going, then heck i'm gonna push it! mind over matter right? hahah yeah whatever... mentally and emotionally i'm pretty cool.. i can't find alone time though, and i haven't had the usual great convos with the great people i'm surrounded with.. you guys know who you are, if you're GREAT then that's you! hahaha jk. but no seriously, i think lately i'm desperately seeking some alone time, not to "go find myself" but just to be alone, cuz i haven't had this alone time to think in awhile.. the only time i do have is when i'm in my car driving to where ever i am going, but that serenity of being alone is quickly disrupted by random people who drive not very nicely. and yes i can lock myself into my room and just think, but since my current living situation involves a 6 year old boy that follows me around everywhere yeah.. i really can't find alone time at the house... so it's hard to escape when there's this little boy just following you everywhere you go! hahah, i don't mind for the fact that i love the kid! i love the kid with all my heart! he's my baby boy! hahaha, just saying that i can't seem to find time to think... ehh, thinking is over rated anyway right?


in a way i guess i'm afraid to find time to think, haha weird entry this is turning out to be huh? haha, yeah well it's the truth, i'm afraid of my own thoughts you can say.. i'm not sure if i'm running away from my thoughts or something sometimes, maybe i choose not to find time to myself?! hMm, i don't know.. thinking kills. haha.


this is the first time in awhile that i haven't talked to so many people.. not that i chose to ignore you folks, or chose not to be the social butterfly, i just wanted to relax for awhile i guess, but i'm through relaxing! PARTY HARDY! hahaha not really, i'm not through with relaxing to that extent, but i wanna go out and have fun. you can only sit and watch magic mountain for so long, until you finally want to get out and ride the rides yourself. that's a metaphor, i dont' wanna ride the rides. hahaha.


one thing i'm quite excited about is.. the HOJ/LF collabo! =D hahaha! fun bonfire! i personally have never been to one, but yes, that is one thing i can cross off my a walk to remember list! hahaha, i'm a loser, yes i have a list, and NO you cannot see it! but anyways, so yeah i'm exited about it, it's this friday, and thursday i'm going to have a picnic with the buddy carlos at the japanese tea garden at brand park! ooh how fun! what chapter is it now carlos, and yes carlos, you are part of the great convos with great people! =D and then on wednesday beach time with the "old gang" =)... and tomorrow volunteer work.. look at this busy bee... for some odd reason i get this sense of reNEWal, no idea why... but yes i do. gosh i really shouldn't stop blogging, cuz this thing is therapeutic.. i guess my alone time is the time i get to write my thoughts onto this thing, but at the same time not so alone cuz people get to read it.. hahaha.. gosh i should hush up now.. see you guys later! and GOD bless!