Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have.
-- Marva Collins

okay so i'm blogging before i head out to my debut practice... just felt like i should say a few words or something... hMm you guys know how i pulled an all nighter last night right? well yeah my gay ass pulled an all nighter, slept for an hour and woke up SiCK! so i didn't get to go to class.. what a gay huh?! staying up all night to finish homework and study for tests, and my ass didn't even get to class! ugh, what annoyance. so i just stayed home and knocked out the whole day... not a very good day for me. in addition to that i couldn't go hang out with ceej on his last day before he goes to chicago! i'm gonna miss that fat tub of lard! remember ceej no losing weight! and nobody rubs that belly but ME! miss ya buddy and love ya too! but anyways.. so i really tried to rest and stuff when i was home so i can have enough energy to go to robert's shindig... so i rested and i told my mom i was gonna come back early, cuz she was worried since i was sick, and she was worried about my driving and what not. so i told her i'd be home early... i went to the party and gosh everyone and their mother's were there! sooo many people, and it would have been a real good party, but too bad stupid glendale cops had to come and raid the freakin' party at get this.. 9:45! the party ended at 9 freakin' 45! it's not evne 10 o'clock! and i mean isn't 10 o'clock our curfew anyways? sooo gay! so they made robert stop playing music, and the cops said if they were to play anymore music they would give robert a ticket, the djs a ticket, and take the djs equipment away.. what a gay! so that was that.. i stayed for a little bit more.. hung out with rouhi, shaft, and serge.. haha those guys are hilarious! =) they make me feel all special and wanted, well maybe it was cuz rouhi was drunk.. hahaha. mayyybe. alrite well i'm gonna go now.. i should go drive to my practice now. seeyalaterr! and hope you guys have a swell day, keep your nose clean.

if you don't like something, change it. if you can't change it, change your attitude.
-- maya angelou

hMm.. what's been going on... i don't know. i have a bunch of homework.. and i'm planning to pull an all nighter, yeah like i don't have to drive freakin' 30mins in the morning and such. it's already bad enough that i semi-fall asleep so let's take more of a chance by not sleeping now, so i can definitely fall asleep later.. yeah yeah i know. i don't think i'm planning to go to 1st and 2nd period. i hate thursday games, they don't make any sense at all. today was a good game. all my stunts went up.. and it seemed to me that people were better behaved on the track, so that was good. we didn't win, but i mean i think we held our ground pretty okay the first half, and then the second half that's when things just went wrong. it's all good boys. randy get better! this is a random post but i just felt like talking for no apparent reason.. just so there's a change of view from my last post. i want another self indulgency day, but i can't do it tomorrow since i have a test and i can't miss class since i have viezee. she's a freak. okay i gotta go now. essays, note taking, and studying awaits... i have a fun night ahead of me.

a little self indulgency..

i'm not at school, why?! cuz i wanted to stay home! and i'm proud of myself cuz this is actually only the second time i've only ditched a whole full day of school, usually by this time i would have missed one school day of every week, but i've been real good! so yay to me! but today i just really needed to have some self time. i was going to drive off somewhere but i couldn't decide where, to a park or a beach or something but i couldn't decide if i should or not, so i just decided some pigging out at home will do. that's the best way to self indulge myself.. i'm planning on going out to some grocery store, maybe not Vons and other such stores but maybe somewhere else and buy some junk ass food that is extremely unhealthy and just watch disney movies the whole day while everyone is at school. that sounds good to me. i've had a lot of on my mind lately, and i just needed today to just relax! i still have a lot to do, work on my english essay, work on cheer routine for JV and competition tryouts, finish reading my books, do laundry, all that good stuff. hMm i hate the fact that i want to write so much, but yet i can't cuz realizing now that people actually read this thing.. so can you people stop reading up to this point? hahaha, that's not working is it?! let's just keep it general then, although i know it won't be general, and most of you reading will already know what i'm talking about, therefor making the general feel of my blog completely worthless... let me see if i can get all my thoughts out here, and relieve myself some of the things that are weighing down on my mind...

it's been decided, well i decided really that, i'm a bad girlfriend. i can't do it, and i'm not good at it. never have been. i think i'm starting to settle into my own skin once again and realizing that i'm not good at this thing called being a GF. i'm not made for it, GOD didn't mold me to be sweet and thoughtful. i've been figuring this... i mean i talk all this man-hating business right? saying boys suck and other nonsense things, but i mean i realize that a lot of my ex-BF or ex-significant others have moved on to bigger and better things after me. usually after me they're in these long relationships that they seem to really enjoy and seem to be able to keep for a long time. so i figure this, if they can do it with them, but they couldn't do it with me, who am i to say that it was them in the first place? maybe it's me. i mean i have a considerable amount of experience with guys that has turned for the worse, but i mean what if, just WHAT iF i was the one that brought out the worse in them? what if it was cuz of me that they became what they were, cuz i just had this crazy ability to bring out the worst in the male species? could it be possible that i had nice guys, and i just made them into not so nice guys? am i that one girl that gets the nice guys, but turn them into complete asses?! NAH!!! hahaha.. BOYS SUCK!!!

other thought...
i decided not to share quite yet.. i mean i haven't even discussed this thought with the person that i need to discuss it with, so it wouldn't be fair if i shared with all of you first before discussing this thought with them... so i'll share this thought later...

you guys.. i'm happy. so happy at this point in my life.. funny thing is, i'm not happy cuz things are perfect. gosh things are HARDLY perfect, but i'm just happy. happy that things are the way they are, no matter what they are. yesterday was a good day for me... i don't think i've ever smiled as much as i did yesterday. it was a good time with a good friend. i love those times! times like that can keep you smiling for days.. maybe that's why i feel so happy right now, cuz of yesterday. but even though, i'm just happy. just happy. =D PRAiSE GOD!

[edit] okay so i have a thought... why is it that during the break up stage of a relationship or even after the break up the once "happy" couple before manage to forget a lot of the good times they have and just talk all this mess about each other? i mean seriously does it make them feel better? does it really make them feel content about the relationship? i mean seriously, it's like the people try and out do each other with who says the meanest thing to the other person... why is it necessary? i mean you didn't just spend all this time with that one person, and realize that's all they were to you right? so why say them? i figure this, maybe it makes the person feel better... if they try and emphasize the bad points of that person it makes them forget the good points that made them fall for that person anyway, therefor making them feel like they didn't lose anything after all. so is that the reason why? i don't understand why it has to be like that.. i mean wouldn't you rather think of the good things that person did for you, and the good times that was spent with that person so you wouldn't feel like it was a time wasted?! i personally would feel that way.. why would you succumb to speaking ill of a person that you once really had strong feelings for? to make yourself feel better, even if it means that they look bad? interesting thought really, cuz i don't think that's right. why are you trying to make someone look horrible, that you say you cared about? hMm, interesting dont' you think? is there some sort of glory if you hit the right nerve in your ex- that makes you happy? some sort of trophy won because you said the meanest thing. i'd rather not have that trophy, cuz that trophy would just make you look like an ass. i wouldn't want a trophy to prove i'm an ass.. i'd rather be an ass with no proof, then be an ass with proof of it... but seriously let's not go down that path of bad mouthing, because it doesn't make the situation any better. i mean seriously, when you look at couples that were all lovey-dovey and what not, and the minute they break up with each other all grr at each other, doens't it make you want to laugh? like where did all the love go? i mean it makes it seem like their love was so fake and so un-real.. i wouldn't want that, i, myself, wouldn't want anyone to think my love was fake and unreal... hMm but i guess that's just me. [/edit]


butterflies...

ditto.
-- from the movie, Ghost


so i'm sitting here on my free day from school just waiting for time to pass until i gotta do what i gotta do... just waiting.. how are you guys diggin' the new layout? i'm not finished yet. still fixing up some stuff, but i wanted a more simple layout. the pink thing was making me not want to blog i think since everything was just so daym cheerful it made me want to throw up. i like this one cuz it's simple and it has a bear on it that looks distraught. haha, reminds me of my teddy bear that is only LOOKS messed up, but it is not, it only looks like that cuz it is loved. but anyway, i didn't really get to sleep in since i had to drop my godson off at his school in the morning, and i had to wake up early to wake him up and get him ready for school and all that good stuff... so i was awake, and i was hoping to catch some dawson's creek in the morning but next thing you know it's saved by the bell and not dawsons creek. it's the episode where kelly's little sister nikki has a crush on jack and they had the "teen hotline" wow, this is a really pointless post isn't it? well i'm supposed to watch a show tonight with rusty.. we'll see how that goes.. hMm so i was watching 2 i guess what you'd say "romantic" flicks last night, and i mean who can't feel romantic with the movie Ghost?! who doesn't get sweet on that movie?! i mean seriously, even i get a little sweet on that movie, even though i laugh at a tremendous part of it, something makes me sweet on the movie. maybe i'm like that because it's highly unrealistic and i'm looking at it through a perspective of it's not like i see it and i'm making it unrealistic, but the movie really is unrealistic.. so maybe the illusion that i'm not killing the movie really is making me sweet on it.. does that even make sense?? i don't think i ever make sense to anyone but myself.. well anyways after that i watched sweet november, well a portion of it anyway.. gosh that movie is sad, and sad not like a sad boohoo sad, but sad like are you a freakin' moron sad?! i mean how can this mother not know that the girl is sick?! how can he not realize that?! i mean are you blind?! look at her eyes, and how pale she gets.. i mean doesn't that make you wonder, which leads me to think this guy is just a selfish ass! cuz anyone with half a brain can realize, "hmm i think there's something wrong with her." but no instead he asks her to marry him, instead of asking her, "what's wrong? you don't look good. tell me the truth what's going on?" geeeezz.. i mean come on seriously... sorry, did i just kill the movie for some of you folks that liked that movie? but i can't really say much, i havent' seen the whole movie through, just that one point when he comes back from his business deal and rejected the business offer and comes back and asks that chick to marry him after he rejected it.. that's the only part i watched.. i'm gonna go now... watch some more TV on my cool reclining couch.. seeya!

my profile:
"so how about someone get me a gerber daisy?"

from super nashie

oh my i love my gurfren! thanks for making me smile! =) you're the best! HC 4 LiFE!