I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all, I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
-- Agatha Christie

hMm... yes, i'm up this early on a weekend.. what the hell am i doing up this early?! i don't know, lately i haven't really been able to sleep my usual 2981723987 hours of sleep.. it's something about sleeping in someone else's home that discomforts me about sleeping in, but anyways enough of that.. so hMm let's see so what is there to talk about...

let me start off by saying i made the 2003-2004 VARSiTY squad! yay to me! i know some people are like, "duh katrina you'd make it." but i don't know, i didn't feel confident about how well i did.. so yeah, now finally really finding out, i'm pretty relieved.. so yeah i'm excited about this new year, cuz it seems like we have a good bunch of people that are in the team with us.. and you guys, keep a positive attitude please.. it's the beginning of the year, and we don't wanna get off the wrong foot by having negative opinions and thoughts towards someone... like i said.. people have the uncanny ability to surprise you. keep an open mind... and i kno the judging to some didn't seem fair, but you guys, that's how it happened, we can't do anything about it, and the best way to remedy the situation is just to move foward from it.. you prove people wrong that you deserve to be on varsity, keep your head up, you guys will have your time, everyone had their time, you just have to wait yours...

did you guys know SPRiNG BREAK STARTED! freak yeah! haha.. everytime i'm reminded of it i get so excited all over again! =D spring break oh yeah, spring break oh yeah! hahaha.. *dancing around* haha, i bet you guys can picture that huh?! haha, well yeah i'm gonna making plans with some folks, trying to spend as much quality time with GLENDALE-ians before i am forver forgotten in valencia.. haha so yeah if anyone wants to chill this week.. holler! i'm just around the corner.. don't know where to reach me?! well if you're reading this, DUH! you have my sn GENiUS! ;D

yesterday was the luau.. and i didn't really feel like going.. i wasn't in a dancing mood, yes KATRiNA was not in a dancing mood, better believe it.. but yeah so i wound up going cuz i wanted to hang out with these group of people.. so melissa came and picked me up! =D yay to her, cuz she drove! and we went to skarlet's house to get ready.. jackie looked like hot stuff! that's my mommy! hahah.. skarlet and melissa both wore sarongs(?) and we had to tell melissa 87987123 times to wear the pink one, cuz it was cuter.. and i wore this halter top that my mommy had.. wooh HOLLER! hahaha.. jk so it was me, mel, jackie, skarlet, wes, and carl all heading out to the dance.. and so we get there, and everyone is sitting for awhile and then we started dancing.. hahah.. i think i surprised wes with my dance moves! hahahaha... hilarious! and mayn the dance was getting all LAME-O like with circles constantly surrounding.. so i threw myself into one, and i didn't realize people were actually watching me.. hahahah! i was like seizuring, and throwing my feet in every which direction.. hahaha they were just laughing at my attempt to mock what they were doing.. and then tim and i started dancing! hahah that guy can shake his ass like no other! hot dang! hahahhaa.. but anyways, ooh i got to see some of robert's friends there.. anthony and arturo! hey guys! haha.. okay anyway, oh can i say this one thing... if you're taking a picture of them for them, please guys DON'T EVER SAY: "can i have a copy of this?!" HSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA gracious... that was great! just great! but anyways enough of that, can i just say this too, "don't try and take pocession of something that was not yours. people are not property! GET OFF iT, AND GET OVER iT!" anyways with that being said, afterwards me, mel, and karla went to denny's afterwards in alameda, cuz some chick took the freeway for the first time AT NiGHT! grrreat. ohh ohh before i forget.. i got the craziest lap dances from tim and anthony.. holy mother of cows! too much booty in the pants! that was quite an experience! hahaha.. BONERiffic stuff! haha but anywyas yeah, after was denny's.. and on the way home on the freeway, melissa thought she'd be cute and swerve her car,. cuz she said, "she does it all the time on the street." but she didn't realize, it's different on the freeway cuz you're going so much faster! so the car felt like it was gonna tip over! goodness sakes! that was so scary! hMm so after that, got home, slept... now practice for juicy's debut, which is TOMORROW! yay.. reunion! with the exception of jesy and robert, butyeah REUNiON! keppel kids! =D okay this is long enough, my hands are freezing. bye!

gotta keep your head up/ even when the road is tough/ you gotta get up.
-- tupac

ooh look at me with the gangster quote... watch out (( crip walks )) but anyways.. enough of that.. so lately i've had it rough.. i dont' know reality slapped me real hard in the face after i thought i was all fine in dandy.. it's so hard to see a man you once idolized seem so far down, that now you gotta start picking him up.. i guess sometimes it gets really hard when you see someone you held up so high seem to fall.. hMm, but anyways.. it's like the feeling of me unable to express my feelings is a forever re-occuring thing in my life.. cuz again, people depend on me trying to be that strength to lean on, that i guess sometimes people tend to forget that i need someone to lean on to.. i can only handle so much weight right? but again, who am i to say how much i can handle right? if GOD thinks i can handle this much, then apparently i can handle this much. well yeah so in addition to all the complications that i have to deal with currently, things are so complicated for cheer at the moment.. it's like the current things are seriously unfair, but at the same time, if you change things, that will also look unfair.. so we're left with a, "what the hell are we gonna do?!" i don't know who is to blame at this point, and i don't think it would be fair to put all the blame on the coach, i think we have to know the details of his side first.. cuz at this point i blame it on the judges.. the one judge anyway who knew diddly squat about what he was doing.. he was a freakin' HAiRDRESSER! for goodness sakes! but whatever.. let's not go there.. all i gotta say is i really wish i could do something.. but i feel so frustrated.. so i don't know.. whatever right now.. i don't know what to say about this anymore.. so as of right now i'm gonna go, cuz i don't know what to say.. and to certain people KEEP FiGHTiNG, maybe you guys can make the difference that we need.

WHO, WHO ARE WE?! H-H-S!
-- our "stuntmen's" cheer! =D

hey, look who it is! it's me alrite! hehehe.. i'm at my aunt's house.. i shall be a permanent resident here for a bout a month or a little over.. so if you guys wanna talk to me, don't holler at my old number for those who know it, cuz that is disconnected =/ aww i'm sad.. after having that number for like 7 years, it's all over now.. =/ but umm yeah so don't holler at that number anymore.. and if you see me online, then i'll give you some numbers to where you can reach me.. i'll be online from time to time, but not as often i think, cuz after all this isn't my computer and what not.. but yeah.. luckily my aunt has a cable modem! which excites me a whole lot, cuz wowie.. internet connection that doesn't freeze up on me! no offense juicy.. so let me address some stuff in my head yeah?

well first off cheer tryouts! after a whole week it's over, and for some reason it's hard for me to have a reaction to how well or how BAD i did.. cuz it seemed so very short.. but wow if i don't make it i would be really sad, cuz darn it, i felt the energy when we were in that huddle! =D all those hands in the center both girls AND guys, and saying "Hoover!" all together.. it was such a great experience! =D and aww.. the prayer! it feels so good to do that with so many people that just randomly came together.. that was awesome guys! and the guys that tried out, wow you guys are so awesome! and just to let you know, you guys are what REAL MEN are made of! looking forward to have you guyses hands on my ass, that is if i even make it! hahaha.. =D but again i say, to the boys i'm so very proud of you guys! i know it takes a lot of guts to sit there and try out, cuz there's a bad stigma that comes with being a stuntment, and yes STUNTMEN! =D but yeah i'm really looking forward to the upcoming year.. FLORiDA HERE WE COME!if i make it... hahaha if i don't.. then darn it.. i'm going to florida still, just to watch and be supportive! =D cheering on the cheerleaders, while i'm crying for not being there.. darn it i'll throw myself onto the mat! hahaha!

next juicy's debut is NEXT week holy crapola.. after everything who the heck knew the day would finally come, i know i didn't.. gracious.. and wow the cotillion is sorta kinda finally? getting it.. with a few minor changes of people and stuff.. but yeah it's been quite an experience being in this cotillion.. the frustrations.. and the constant turning of the girls.. ugh i got dizzy! =D i think my head is still turning from yesterday's practice.. we have some random ass people in the debut, and then who's next?! ahh.. mine is this month too.. gracious.. i don't think i'm cut out to be 18, but then again i'm "19" right? hahah

bevieee gave an awesome talk yesterday during HOJ.. hMm let's just take this story from her cuz it really WOWed me! so let's say you were at the Grand Canyon, and you had a string from one end of the Grand Canyon to the other end, and your friend with a wheel barrow said to you, you think i can push this wheel barrow to and from that end and back ON the little piece of string, and you're all, "yeah right, sure wahtever you say." and then he does it.. and you're like WOW! you really can do it! and then your friend was all, "yeah, well you think i can do it again?" and you're all, "yeah ofcourse, cuz if you did it once, you can do it agaiN! YEAH OFCOURSE YOU CAN DO iT AGAiN!" and then what if he's all, "okay i'll do it again...... but this time get in the barrow?" what would you say? would you really get in that wheel barrow, knowing that he did it before, but i mean would you risk it? would you risk maybe falling to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? ofcourse we'd be like ehh, ORRR NOT! cuz i know darn well i wouldn't, even though i already saw the guy do it.. and basically that story was representing our trsut in JESUS... i mean i know for me i can trust JESUS so much, and i see all the wonderul miracles he performs, but how come once He tells me to do something that i'm afraid to do i'm all of a sudden not so trusting of Him?! weird huh? yeah i know it wsa weird when Bev was talking, cuz i mean when she would ask questions like would you take risks for Him? and i'm like OFCOURSE! but then with the story i'm like uhh.. MAYBE NOT! i think for me it is always easier to do what GOD asks you to do as long as it's easier fo ryou, but what happens if the moment GOD asks you to risk something for Him that is a little difficult.. like for me i think it's so easy to give up something i hate for GOD.. ofcourse, if GOD asked me to give up something for him, and it's something i completely loathe, then i'd be like ooh yeah! thanks GOD! but wha thappens if all of a sudden He tells me that the one thing that makes me hppy, is the one thing that is taking me away from Him, and asks me to get rid of it.... =/ i mean i think to myself.. but i'm happy with that, and doesn't GOD want me to be happy, but why is He asking me to take it away, and the "trust" that you have in Him is all of a sudden replaced with doubt.. funny isn't it? how you can say you trust the Lord so much, but yet the moment He asks something of you that you dont' really want the trust is suddenly replaced with doubt and fear... hMm....thank BEV for the talk.. it came at the right time

to my girl group! what can i say.. i feel the spirit in our group.. i look forward to our meetings on saturday after the teachings! kathy, aprille, juicy, and freda! =D i love you guys mayn! it's been a pleasure going through the Renew process with you guys, and I think GOD has his reasons for placing our group together! and PRAiSE GOD FOR THAT! so are we ready for next week? =D i couldn't imagine going through this process with anyone else but you four.. =D

so with those thoughts.. i'm out of here cuz i've typed too much as it is.. GOD bless!