stick to your words, cuz you're words is all you've got.
-- John Q

- saturday at home. =(
- yesterday was fun!
- so the convo with random boy in a black DC shirt goes:
boy: i would ask for your #, but i don't want your BF to get mad.
me: *thinks BF?!, then realizes i don't want this boy to ask for # i go* oh yeah i know. he'd kick your ass.
- Tommy's Chilli cheese fries are great!
- i want to hide Easter eggs for the kiddies tomorrow.
- i made a cheese omelette that had a bit too much cheese. i think it was just cheese, scratch on the omelette.
- saw a fight after the party yesterday, twas a funny sight.
- saw people that saw me all wasted 2 fridays ago.. they were cool i suppose.
- watched, the whole ten yards with jay yesterday.
- the movie was great and so is jay.
- come to think of it, the movie wasn't so great..
- but jay still is. =D
- got my debut tape, feeling nostalgic about it. that was a beautiful night.
- i love my friends, they're good people! i'm very blessed to have them.
- going with danny boy to his prom. i was not his first choice, nor his second, nor his third, nor his fourth.. i was his 29871923719237th choice. hahaha, but yet i still agreed to go with him. haha go figure. =D i love you danny boy!
- i have to do laundry.
- spring break is officially over. =/
- danny's prom makes me think of my prom.. who am i going with?! beats me. =/ i need to find me a BF for just this occassion then get rid of him when this occassion is over. i joke.
- i want to go party tonight. bummer status on being stuck at home.
- boys are comedy. keep `em coming cuz i laugh much.
- the cheese i cooked is making my tummy feel funny.
- laundry awaits.

sometimes you just gotta say FCK it
-- me

so after a pretty good two days i stay home the whole day one day and my whole 2 days is a bust. yes a complete bust. fck i really hate staying at home. i hate being here. i hate everything about home. i just wanna get the fck out already cuz nothing is worth this crap that i go through sometimes. i haven't vented anything out on here lately and i'm gonna do this now. it sucks to constantly try and be achieving something.. to constantly sit there and try and make something of yourself and yet the people that should be believing in you don't. that fckin' sucks! i haven't had someone really believe in me in such a long time. fck my parents don't even believe in me. i always held my mom in a higher regard than my dad, but in the end she's the fckin same thing, but i gotta say my mom is worse cuz i expecated more from her. why the fck do i expect things from people and i am constantly left disappointed. fck i'm so fckin sick of this sht, and you know what gets me even more frustrated i can't even cuss properly! fckn sht! gosh people sit here thinking i live this fabulous ass life cuz i sit here drive a mercedes-benz have a nice big house.. but fck i dont' fckn care about that sht. do you know how sad i get when i see my friends with their parents?? every inch of my body is over come with such jealousy when i visit my friend's houses and i see their parents sitting there asking them where they're going and what time they'll be home. at my cousin's debut and i saw her dance with her dad i was crying so much and i realized then how fcked up i was. i don't have any of those things. ooh great i have a car ooh great i have a house but what's the point of it all if i don't have any thing real to make me happy. it's hard to believe in yourself when people that are supposed to believe in you expect you to just fail. i've felt like a failure all my life. i understand everybody has family problems.. but how many people out there actually had their parents call you failures? or said you were worth nothing. how many of you out there actually had your parents say to your face that they would choose their boyfriends over you? i'm getting tired of this. when im' around my friends i'm all smiles and everything works out perfect. i've been lucky to be surrounded by great people in that department in my life.. but in the end of things i come home and i still find myself very much alone. i don't give a fck. i'm not doing this for my mom anymore. i'm not doing this for my dad. i'm doing this for my own fckn self. i'm making own definition of success and i'm going to live up to it. i'm not defining success by how big my house is gonna be or how luxurious my car is.. i don't give a fck. that's her definition of success.. i got mine. i'm gonna be a success whether she thinks i am or not.




fuck it.

Out of all the guys that approached me
Walking up to me like they know me
You were the one that stayed aside
Waited a while and took your time
You don't know how impressing
Your curiousity was to me
-- Beyone; "summertime"

wow it has to be said that SPRiNG BREAK `04 is turning out to be soooo very great! =D so hmm.. so far it's been..

monday i just chilled it at home. i think.. haha.

tuesday: this is when the fun begins!
- went to huntington beach
- traffic bites!! butt load of traffic.
- people were waiting for us at the beach.
- yelena and i had trouble getting the hotel.
- stupid lady told us it was $519, and we were trippin out.
- after 3 hours we go back and they said it $419, so stupid lady made us go on a wild goose chase to the banks for no good reason! BOO TO THE LADY!
- got into the hotel room.. chilled it.
- FiNALLY boozed! good freakin' times!
- went to the bonfire a bit tipsy, and that was a blast!!
- walked up to the beach with girlies and we dipped our feet in the water.. that was FUN!
- yelena and i shared a blanket at the bonfire.. cuz ya know it's yel&kat all the way! haha! we're sweet like that to each other.
- back in the room.. boys went to get us food cuz we were STARVED! yel was on the phone with joe blow.
- sinqie and i decided to go check out the pool.
- sinqie dipped her toe in the water and it was warm and so we decided to "fall in". haha sorry yel. she told usnot to go swim but it was only for a little bit.
- swimming when you're tipsy is the freakin' BEST!
- met some boys from Michigan.. hahaha wow Michigan boys are naive!
boy: say something in your language
me: *saying something lame in tagalog*
boy: wow. that gets me excited.
me: *thinking* idiot boy.
- on the way home stopped by jay's! =D x 129078192837198237!
- he brought me presents from Hawaii! =) very cute.
- got home at around 3ish-4ish.. in the nick of time before mommy woke up for work.
- busted a mission by lying down on the sofa and pretending to sleep as she's fixing up. very niice! =D
- the end to the first day of my spring break!

wednesday:
- supposed to go back to the beach early in the morning, but sissy called cuz she wanted to have lunch.
- sissy came with the babies!! =D i missed the babies! and she brought her friend justin who drives a very nice BMW. haha
- jay came over!
- hung out with sissy, babies, justin, and jay at Chuck E. Cheese. fun stuff!
- Chuck E. Cheese pizza is greasy, which means it's good!
- came home.. jay knocked out on my sofa.
- played with the babies.
- went to auntie's house.. drop off babies.
- visited my baby cousin at the hospital.. she's only a 1 year old and she had pneumonia. =/
- she looked so sweet. the ivy in her arm was saddening.
- picked up mommy to go eat.
- couldn't find sushi mac so we went to pasadena and ate sushi of naples
- came home.
- jay and i raced back to gdale. =) i won!
- drove tip on my car.. that was cool!
- left late from jay's house..
- attempted to pick up rob but he was on gay status cuz he didn't wanna go out. BOO to you.
- went to mark's chilled.. left.
- went to jay's house chilled.. left.
- i was being good on the freeway was only driving 85mph most of the time.
- part of freeway closed was detoured to random exit.
- scared i was lost.
- kept driving, made random right turn and it was smart cuz it got me home! =D
- home at 3am. knocked out.

now thursday don't know what's going on.. but so far spring break `04 has been freakin' awesome. the only sad trip i didn't get to go back to the beach wednesday. =/ but it's okay WEEKEND for sure! wahoo!!! yay to spring break `04 gosh daym i'm lovin' it!

- it's monday. i hate mondays. even if it's a no school monday.
- YAY to Tuesday for the following reasons
1. some friends and i rented a hotel room at Huntington Beach.. we're heading out there for 3 days and 2 nights! =D
2. jay<3 is coming back from Hawaii. i haven't seen him for an entire week and i've missed that f*cker!
- super excited about spring break! beach, friends, & booze.. DUH!
- i was supposed to get a job app from pier 1 imports, but waking up at 2 in the afternoon hindered that from happening.
- i miss jay.
- mommy took my car to work today.
- spring break motto: "boo to rational thinking!"
- i smell like SOMETHiNG but i can't pin point what it is. =/ hmm..
- i've been bad with the diet this week.
- i watched enter the dragon today for the first time, and it was neat. Bruce Lee can kick some major ass. he makes me proud to be a chink! hahaha!
- robert's writing looks extremely 6 year old in that picture (click link below) cuz he wrote it with a crayon.
- i want some bon bons. sissy's friends finished it, and i only had about 7 of them. that's atleast 50g of fat.
- i have to clean my room.
- looking through old letters is fun.
- i used to call robert, "kuya" how gross!
- reminiscing with old friends is ALWAYS fun.
- watching your best friend physically get hurt is amusing!
- i need to pack for the beach. =D
- just saying that one sentence got me really excited to go!
- yay to spring break `04!

i have pictures to share.
- 42DD sized head!
- yelena likes to pretend her boobs don't fit in these
- kanye west has nothing on us!
- grubbin'.. my smile is TOO big

so robert was over last night till 5am

robert was over at the house for quite some time.. we were just hanging out talking about everything and anything.. and i beat him up.. and he hurt himself on my bed post.. rob i think you have a bruise on your leg cuz of that one it was the funniest thing seeing him on the floor all scrunched into a ball due to pain. as he lied on the floor cuz of the pain i was on the bed pointing and laughing. yes that makes me a good freakin' friend! =) hahaha! it was good times. then the subject was brought up of his writing, and he seems to want to push that he has neat writing, and so folks i would like to share with you robert's "neat" writing. i LOVE YOU ROBERT! good times!!

now i will sit here on my first day of spring break all by lonesome! wahoo!!

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
-- oasis; "wonderwall"

wow i'm so tired! just got back from washing my car. it is incredibly clean right now.. i'm so proud of myself. my uncle helped me clean my car so that was cool. hmm what did i do today.. woke up early went to church.. good thing i got myself out bed though cuz i remembered it was daylight savings, so i woke up and got ready for church all early and on time!=) i didn't wanna be late to church cuz i don't know i love going to mass. i just think it's like my own personal date with God. =) well anyhow.. after mass me, my mommy, my uncle, and my auntie went to costco. i haven't been to costco in a really long time.. and i haven't even been to the costco over here in valencia. so we went and i ate chicken bake and a hotdog! =) piggy i know! funny thing.. we were talking about our families and my mom mentioned how we dont' really have overweight people in her family and i looked at my dad's side and there weren't really any overweight people on our side of the family either.. so i go, "yay. so that means i'm okay. that my chances of being overweight are slim." and my uncle goes, "by the way you eat. i doubt that." i'm like dammit! my family happens to think i've been gaining weight and getting fat. so to you people that think i'm ridiculous for feeling that way about myself.. well leave it to my family to make me feel like it. well anyhow.. so at costco we bought a bunch of neat gadgets to clean the cars with since we really didn't have any cool gadgets.. we bought this one bucket full of car cleaning stuff.. it was cool! =) haha how pathetic is my life that i find such great joy in car cleaning equipment. hahaha oh well! now i'm home and i'm tired. i watched uptown girls yesterday.. it was a real sweet movie. i cried. i don't know the subjects of parents, especially dads just hits me all the time and always gets me crying. i think i cry also when i'm watching movies all by my lonesome because i dont' feel like i have to fight off tears and i could just really get into the movie. sometimes when i'm with friends and it's a sad movie like i feel sad, then i see my friend cry and i start cracking up. hahaha. okay that's enough from me as of right now. woo hoo spring break! mommy is using my car tomorrow.. so hmm does that mean i get to use hers?? haha! alritee.. baboo folks you guys have a good palm sunday!